Thursday, June 23, 2011

the grown ass baby girl trying to figure shit out BLOW OFF

Yay for guest post Thursday! Enjoy this dating dilemma from one of our favorite readers:

Did you wake up this morning feeling disgusting, with a premonition that your boyfriend hates you and his ex-girlfriends who all look like Victoria Secret models with PhDs in American Literature and Physics are secretly plotting against you? Just me? Really? I guess not having a steady job for 4 months makes the mind sticky.

my perfect and fully employed boyfriend: “so...don't take this the wrong way...but what's your plan for getting a job...are you just waiting for the costume supervisors to call you back or are you actually looking?"

me (horrified and pretending to not have heard): “oh, cool I can go to this lunch time yoga class. Wait, what?”

my sexy surfer boyfriend: “uhh...are you freaking out right now...”

me (desperately clinging to my Colin Powell-esque dignity): “no, I actually had a phone interview yesterday, I just didn’t tell you because we were watching (pointing to the The Wire DVD with an air of I’m not a child) and then we went to bed. I applied to 5 jobs and I’m waiting to hear back so...”

Ok, what’s the point of this story? FEAR.

1. I fear that my boyfriend thinks I’m one of those girls who have given up on life goals and just wanna chill and mooch off his 401K.
2. I fear that I won’t even get this terrible job I’m over qualified for and have no interest in.
3. I fear that I am too old to be doing this self discovery thing (see title)
4. I fear that his ex- girlfriend will invite him to a casual turned romantic dinner and tell him how she’s been nominated for a Pulitzer and also had her vagina rejuvenated for him.
5. the biggest fear of all zero trans fat fears is I have no clue what my plan is...

Like alcoholics to the bottle, my romantic comedy indulgent ass took to creeping facebook friend’s engagement, wedding and baby shower updates. And after sufficiently drowning myself on account of no steady job/plan and relationship on the brink of collapse--- I had the “I’ve decided it would be better for both of us if I moved out” talk with my boyfriend. No throw down or ultimatum or bullshit, I don’t want to lose him to my fears and he’s been awesome and supportive since day one so this isn’t about him. Grown ass baby girl needs to figure shit out for herself first and stand on her own before the happy ending to all classy love stories (except the ones where the girl dies.)


  1. this is so relatable! i think sometimes guys tend to worry we're going to become too dependent, it'll be interesting to see how the bf reacts when you prove you're already a grown up.

  2. I fucking love this! Although there's nothing that hurts more than that moment of self-reflection and the realization of all your most intimate fears, it's so empowering to be able to take a step back and gain perspective.

    Put yourself first and take back that vagina!