Monday, July 25, 2011

Bad Manners & the BLOW OFF

I spent 8 hours at the Phoenix airport with a fellow passenger who also failed to realize that our connecting flight took off on Arizona time, one of the few motherfucking states that does NOT recognize daylight savings. We were stuck and without our friends so we did what any reasonable people in distress do, go to the airport Chili's and get an appetizer platter and tequila shots.

My companion was a ghetto fabulous black female with sumptuous proportions, straight cut black bangs, an expensive bag, halfheartedly skimming an issue of People magazine. Before you start stereotyping, I will save you some energy and let you know that she WAS every stereotype.

Everything from, not swimming, giant diamond rings bought on credit, 2 babies with different baby-daddies, (most recent of which was in prison for being an accomplice to murder) and most importantly she was a high end Vegas stripper who had been propositioned by the likes of Mike Tyson, Michael Jordan, and Nelly. We had a generally delightful time giving each other shit, bantering back and forth and taking periodic breaks for her to smoke.

All her qualities were perfectly agreeable and in fact ideal for an "airport buddy" save for one. She had two cell phones and answered them alternately without apology often for 20 minutes at a time and most heinously, WHILE talking to airline employees. An example at the United Customer Service desk: "I ain't fin to sit this airport all day!... hold on Luscious...I ain't fin to sit here and..." I think to her it was part of being a sassy independent woman. NAY.

So, to all the single ladies, all the single ladies, I encourage you to flaunt what you got, play to win, and be the full blossom of your femininity...but just remember to have manners. Treat everyone the same way you would treat a 75 year old man at Whole Foods, you know with the common courtesy your parents taught you back when you were 7. Character is the sexiest quality in a woman...Character and a nice black ass.

-Samurai Shawn

1 comment:

  1. I want to know more about her getting propositioned by Mike Tyson, Michael Jordan, and Nelly. There's got to be some good blow off stories in there. I honestly cant stand when people answer their cell phones in the middle of a conversation. Why can't people just ignore all their calls like I do?