Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Cheaters, Clichés, and Thomas Jefferson

I've had my share from all sides of the game, I was done with the game but only because I got stung. I also didn't think I'd get my insides gutted again...because this is really personal, I've embedded my story with research.

1. Cheating isn't always about sex, how many times have you heard and been dumbfounded that the people they were cheating on was way hotter than the people they cheated with? Cheating is primarily based on emotional disconnect and even good people cheat (including good people in sexually satisfied relationships). DON'T REACH FOR THE GUN JUST YET.

2. Good people in happy relationships can have an off day, where work/money/kids are wildcards that drive the off days, but the most important factor to cheating is opportunity (according to Private Investigators that specialize in extramarital affairs). Over 64%(men) and 43%(women) of infidelity cases happens with a co-worker or a friend who happens to be there at the right time...sorry, maybe go get that gun after all.

3. Biologists have long understood that monogamy is rare in mammals, therefore societal/religious codes against infidelity adapted by human culture is suppressing "natural" instincts...(I happen to know at least 5 individuals who have walked away from Dorian Gray himself/Cat Woman herself, maybe a kiss or two was exchanged but they didn't take the opportunity). FEEL BETTER?

4. Once a cheater, always a cheater is the biggest cliché and proponent of brainless tv shows (which I'm guilty of watching). I also happen to know people who have cheated, realized the grass is not greener on the other side and are now in better relationships (okay, here's the catch, they were never found out...you may say that's totally unhealthy to keep up a lie, I strongly disagree. If the partner suspects, has facebook facts, yeah come clean. Otherwise I think it can be more damaging to cause unnecessary pain when you TRULY have learned the lesson). On the other side of the rainbow, sometimes people end up with the person they had the affair with...that's when I would appreciate the truth whether it's easing one's conscience or giving the other person closure.

5. If you think your virtuous-moral compass can keep you on the straight and narrow path forever you might be jinxing yourself for a threesome. No one wanted to believe our founding fathers were getting side action on the clock...I would never want to believe my dad is capable of something indecent. Gross. But I don't want to jinx myself either. My point being if something did reveal itself, try to hold back on judgment and try to understand. Yes, it feels like getting all your teeth extracted without Novocaine. Yes, be angry but get over it. Yes, call them horrible names but some times people are sincerely sorry and deserve a second chance.

*I haven't mentioned love once, because we all think cheating means not loving one's partner, unless you're a decrepit old man in pajamas who lives in a rabbit-esque mansion with girls who have low self esteem. What I have found in my research and reflecting on personal/other people's experiences shows it's entirely possible to love one's partner while cheating on them. I know that concept sounds really French, and it doesn't give anyone a free pass to cheat. However, it's something to consider if you think you want to mend the relationship.


  1. Totally agree that having relations with various partners is instinctual for guys and usually has nothing to do with Love. I also agree that if someone did that to me and DID learn their lesson I would certainly rather never know (but I'm a blue pill sort of guy) At the same time If a husband walks in on his wife ball-tackling some golf pro, then I think he should have the right to get medieval on their asses a 'la the beginning of Shawshank.

  2. I agree that cheating on someone doesn't necessarily mean you don't love them or want to be with them, and it all depends on a case by case scenario. Was it one mistake? Was it a full fledged affair, etc? but i think at the end of the day, i'd rather know than be kept in the dark about it.

  3. and then of course when he wakes up the next day he will be short a penis.

  4. I can't tell if Emo Butterball is a boy or a girl. This greatly affects my offensive broad stereotyping and understanding of this blog post. Otherwise, Emo Butterball is an excellent name!