Monday, July 11, 2011

grown ass baby girl gets an emotional spanking (a follow up)

When my boyfriend told me he needed some space, I moved out a week later. I skipped over the conversation about why he needed space, what kind of space he needed, and how long/often he needed it. I simply took his statement and created the worst case scenario in my head - he wants to break up. Oh hell no, if anyone is breaking up with anyone, I'm flipping the demolition switch on this...but I don't actually want to.


Me (real time): I know we moved in really quickly and my job situation is unsettling, I feel like I've lost my identity, all of this is straining on the relationship so it might be good that I move out, etc. etc. Yes, I'm the best rational girlfriend you've ever had!
(translation: You want your fucking space, I'll give you some fucking space. If you do not come after me this is soooo over!)

My boyfriend did not hear I needed his support and presence now more than ever. I did not understand I needed to actually tell him "I need your support and love now more than ever." We baby girls think guys should know the obvious and we (I) resent them (him) when they (he) don't show up outside our (my) window in a trench coat blasting "In Your Eyes."

After two rambling emotional meltdowns and one real conversation, for the first time in my life I saw my reactionary patterns:
1. if the guy doesn't go along with my plan, he's just not that into me (break up in 1-3 months)
2. if the guy doesn't express he's in it to win it, he's unreliable (break up in 2-4 weeks)
3. if the guy suggests I'm part of the problem, he's WRONG and we're OVER (right now)

It's not that my demands/patterns are unreasonable, grown ass baby girls should have standards or you remain a regular baby girl dating some D&G sunglasses wearing, Axe body spraying, sporty leather seat driving guy with raging herpes. The problem with grown ass baby girls is we are so proud to be self sufficient and realists - it's hard for us to ask guys for help. So upon realizing my behavior-assumption patterns, my boyfriend and I started to talk about how to communicate better where we hear and understand each other. If grown ass baby girl only has one true standard for friendships and relationships - it's be with people who are willing to learn about the up's and down's together.

2 comments:

  1. So true! Being more independent has given us a lot more pride and it makes it so much harder to ask for help. sounds like you are breaking your pattern with this guy, which is a great sign! Yay for emotional spankings!

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