Monday, July 4, 2011

the independent BLOW OFF

Happy independence day everyone!

Here are the top five ways we think all of us, including those in a re-lame-tionship, should celebrate our independence. Not necessarily today, since you're probably just getting drunk and eating hot dogs, but sometime over the course of your lifetime.

5. Go to a movie by yourself. I think the first time I went to a movie alone was when I saw Life is Beautiful sophomore year in college. At first it was weird, but now I actually prefer it. Think about it. You don't have to feel bad if you picked the movie and the person next to you isn't really into it. You don't have to share your popcorn with anyone. You don't have compromise on seats with anyone. And you don't have to pretend you hated the movie too just so you look cool.

4. Go for a hike by yourself. Take your Ipod with you and become one with nature. It sounds cheesy, because it is cheesy. But it's actually really nice. Think about it. You don't have anyone else to slow you down or anyone you feel like you're slowing down. You can go at your own pace. You can listen to music instead of make conversation about that guy and that annoying co-worker and that stupid wedding your friend's been planning.

3. Pamper yourself. Buy yourself a present. Like a new sybian or a new sweater.

2. Eat alone at a restaurant with no book or Ipad or Iphone or Ipod. The only "I" is you. Just kidding. I have no idea why people suggest this as a rite of passage (I'm talking to you, Carrie Bradshaw). Do you know how effing awkward it is to just sit somewhere by yourself doing nothing but eating or drinking, while other people laugh and talk around you? So, eat alone, but for the love of God-- take that Us Weekly with you!

1. Masturbate. Duh! Fireworks for everyone.

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