Thursday, September 8, 2011

the entourage BLOW OFF

It's the last season of Entourage and it's kind of hard to believe that the series finale is this weekend, because this season has SUCKED. In fact, the last two seasons have been God awful. Some of you may have never liked the show to begin with, but in the beginning it was a kind of the dude's answer to Sex and the City. It had the wish fulfillment factor, relatively entertaining storylines, higher stakes, and awesome cameos (now if you want to see a good cameo, you are way better off watching Curb Your Enthusiasm which is on fire this season.)

Here are my top ten biggest gripes with the show as of late.

10. How is it possible that Adrian Grenier has become an even worse actor than he was in the beginning? I don't know if he's just phoning it in or if it's the fact that there's really not much he can do with his character--- but for someone so attractive, he has zero charisma or sex appeal. Imagine how much better the show would be if we could recast him with a Josh Duhamel type? Vince has always been the show's weakest link, but now he's not even delivering on the hotness.

9. Which brings me to my next point. Why would the writers ever think we'd care about Vince trying to hook up with that British Vanity Fair journalist? Could any two people have less chemistry? I get the whole-- she's the one girl he can't have thing, but I wish they would have played it out with someone that didn't feel so high brow and stiff. Plus, Vince is a motherfucking movie star and his only move to win her over was to make a video of his exes talking about how great he is. I'd much rather see him get rejected by someone totally outside of the industry or to be one half of a hot celebrity couple played by a girl that can actually act. Sitting through scenes of Vince and Sasha Grey last season were beyond painful.

8. Um, wasn't it enough that we were already subjected to a storyline of Turtle trying to start a Tequila business last season? Apparently not, because this season, they've given him the exact same storyline...except now he wants to open an Italian restaurant. I don't care about Turtle's career. If I wrote the show, I'd just keep him as the comic relief or make him fall for a chubby "normal" girl now that he's gotten skinny.

7. There are never any repercussions on the show. This season would have been way more interesting if Vince was virtually black listed after his train wreck stint last season. Instead, his career has been totally unscathed. Turtle got upset in the last episode because he sold his stocks of that stupid tequila before it went public and...surprise...Vince actually kept all his stocks and bought Turtle's shares too so now they're all millionaires. Drama went on strike for more money and instead of getting fired...he got more money. Stories need conflict in order to be interesting and this show is seriously lacking in it. You can have wish fulfillment and let shit go awry at the same time.

6. Eric and Sloan's on again/off again relationship has become so tired. They ended last season engaged and when this season started they were already broken up. There's been little to no explanation about what went wrong between them. They just seem to enjoy breaking up even though they're always still secretly in love with each other. It would have been way more compelling to see Eric deal with the pitfalls of domesticity, while his friends were still toxic bachelors. At least the story of Eric hooking up with Sloan's ex-step mom has some soapy drama to it, but it's too little too late. Sloan's pregnancy "shocker" also came way too late in the season and it would have been way more ballsy and realistic if she told Eric she was planning to get an abortion.

5. The one thing I do like about this season is Ari and Dana's relationship. I love these two as a hot power couple BUT I think the show wants us to root for Ari and his wife to get back together and that's probably what will end up happening. I wish the Ari/Dana thing would have happened two seasons ago, so we could get get more mileage out of their romantic relationship VS their working relationship. Ari's wife just comes off as an uppity spoiled bitch and I have no idea why he'd want her back.

4. Aside from Dana, there are no interesting women on the show. I get that it's a show about dudes, but SATC was a show about women and there were still a lot of well developed male characters on it. Sloan is pretty, but she's got the personality of a nose hair.

3. The show isn't funny anymore. Remember the furry sex episode? Or Ari and the paintball gun? Or peyote in Joshua Tree? That shit was hilarious. There hasn't been a single outrageously funny moment this season. Even the Bobby Flay scenes have left something to be desired.

2. When you've only got about eight episodes that run twenty-two minutes, you don't really have time to waste with unnecessary storylines and plot points. But somehow an entire episode of the show still manages to go by where virtually nothing happens. Remember that super pointless suicide a few episodes ago? And what was the point of Vince's house burning down?

1. Where are all the fun industry storylines this season? What in the world compelled the creators of the show and HBO to use their final season for the much anticipated "Vince tries to get a Hallmark movie made" storyline? I know it's a stretch since Vince can't act, but why not focus their final eight episodes on award season and the cutthroat Oscar campaigning that goes on these days. How hot would it be to see Ari try to get Vince an Academy Award? Or even better, Johnny Drama?

Anyway, it's pretty hard to believe that there's actually an Entourage movie in the works. I for one will be BLOWING it OFF and not giving them a dime of my money. I would, however, watch an Ari spin off if they got a whole new set of writers and producers to make it happen.

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