Thursday, September 1, 2011

the last name BLOW OFF

I've never been the type that was against women changing their last names after they got married. There was even a time I thought there was something incredibly romantic about it. And part of me still does. But once I got engaged, I realized...as much as I want to share the rest of my life with my man, I don't want to BLOW OFF my last name to share his. I guess I have attachment issues.

I've had my last name for almost thirty-one years. Saedi. I'm used to it. I like it. It's "ideas" spelled backwards. It's a great use of alliteration with my first name. It gets mispronounced ALL the time. Technically, I even mispronounce it, because I don't give it the full Iranian inflections it deserves when I say it (it should be Saw-Eh-Dee, but I say Sy-Eee-dee). For a period of time, I even went by Sadie. It was easier than correcting people (I already have to do that all the time with my first name), plus--- Sexy Sadie by The Beatles was my theme song. I like that people can look at my last name and know that I'm middle-eastern, even if it's super inconvenient at airports. And professionally, it's the name all my writing contacts know me as. It's the name I have credits under and the name I want to see follow the words "written by". Plus, I kind of feel weird suddenly having a different last name than my parents. Like I said, I have attachment issues.

So...how does my fiance feel about that? He's totally cool with it! He's mad progressive like that! In fact, he said that if he were a chick, he wouldn't change his name either. And he wanted to make sure that I mentioned that in this post. We're on the same page on this one. And just because we'll have two different last names, it doesn't make us any less a family or a unit. Just like changing your name wouldn't make you any less of an individual. Also, just to be clear, I certainly don't look down on women who do make the name change. My mom did it. My sister did it. My friends have done it. I even understand why it's important to some guys to have their wives take their names. It's a personal choice. Like abortion.

Speaking of kids, if we have them, my fiance does want them to have his name...which I'm cool with...although I'd like my last name to make an appearance somewhere too without having to do the whole confusing hyphenation thing.

Who knows, maybe when there are children involved, I'll get the sudden urge to change my name so that school teachers don't end up thinking I'm their evil stepmother. Until then I'm choosing not to completely confuse my Facebook friends and stick to what I was born with. Losing it at this point would feel like losing an appendage.


2 comments:

  1. Totally agree. I kept my name when I got married, the kids have my husband's last name, and everyone is just fine. The kids' teachers know I'm their mom. It's just not the big deal that it was when MY mom kept her last name and all my aunts kept THEIR last names (my family is like that). And it's also not like some huge public statement of feminism or about making a break from the patriarchal system... it's just a name. But it's MY name and so I kept it.

    And good on your fiance!

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  2. I'm really glad you're keeping Saedi. I felt exactly like you when the decision time came around, but I'm glad I kept my last name too - misspelled and mispronounced as mine is too! Some people had minor issues with it, but even the worst of them have gotten over it with time. Also, it's a LOT less hassle not to have to get all your legal documents changed. Romantic or not, I was too LAZY for that shit! ;) Anyway, congratulations on the hitchin, and I hope you'll be very happy together for a long, long time! xx <3

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