Thursday, September 22, 2011

why are girls so stupid?

"Men are assholes" is maybe one of the most overused phrases uttered by us ladies, but I'm beginning to wonder...are guys assholes or are girls just really fucking stupid? I know it might be a blanket statement, but click the "like" button if you're a girl and you've done something really dumb at some point in your relationship history. I've got a whole laundry list. Gone out with the wrong guys, snooped, stalked, forgiven the wrong guys and gone out with them again, blown off the decent guys, called when it was definitely 100% still his turn to call me, played it too cool, played it un-cool, been too bitchy, been way too nice. I could go on and on.

I'm sure many of you have done at least some of the above and I'm also sure that during your bout with stupidity your girlfriends were oh so nicely telling you not to be such a dumb ass (i.e. "you're way too good for him!") But did you listen? NO. Instead, your interior monologue convinced you that your romantic conundrum was not the same as all their terrible break ups and clearly your sad bitter gfs were just projecting their negative experiences onto you and your flaky guy actually really really loves you and that's why you have to give him another chance, so what if this is the third time he's been a tool?

Anyway, since I don't feel like dredging up any of my dumb maneuvers (mainly because I've already written posts about all of them) and I don't want to exploit any of my friends, I will just exploit two famous women instead.

Adele and Jessica Biel.

We just wrote about how much we love Adele and yesterday Ad Nauseum brought an article to our attention that said Adele was back in touch with her ex-boyfriend. Getting back in touch is the gateway drug to getting back together! This is the same ex-boyfriend that inspired her two albums and the same one that sued her for royalties, because well, she owes her success to his being an asshole. Adele is all like "don't worry about me peeps, I know what I'm doing, we're just friends" (no, that's not a direct quote)...but I don't think she does know what she's doing. This is the guy that she canceled her US tour for back in 2008 so she could spend more time with him. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for putting love before career here and there-- like taking a personal day or calling in sick once in awhile to hang out with your man--- BUT NOT canceling your entire US tour. Dumb, dumb, dumb!

And Jessica Biel. Poor, poor Jessica Biel. JBiel is hot. She's my life partner's number one celebrity crush. She's got a really pretty face, ripped arms, and a perfect butt. She's not the greatest actress in the world, but she's also way less annoying and offensive than a lot of other actresses out there (I'm talking to you Anne Hathaway). So, Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake finally broke up and I think we all got the sense that it was his decision. And Jessica did all the right things to make him regret it (riding on a motorcycle with Gerard Butler for instance). And just a couple weeks ago, this picture is all over the internets:

I'm going to assume that they were hanging out and that J Biel wasn't just chasing Justin down on a bike. But this was kind of their "hey, world! We're back together" photo-op. And then just yesterday, US Weekly reported that JT was spotted going to Scarlett Ho-hannson's house for a late night booty call. Please tell me this happened because J Biel decided not to take his pasty white ass back after all. But my gut tells me that JT just can't stop stringing this poor girl along. Shit or get off the pot, JT.

I just know somewhere out there Adele and Jessica's girlfriends are so super irritated with them. How many times have they watched these bitches ball their eyes out over these dudes and now they're just gonna take them back?! They could do so much better!

Maybe we need to take more of a tough love approach when our friends are clearly making stupid romantic choices. Maybe we need to go gang initiation on their asses and just beat the shit out of them until a head injury causes them to get amnesia about the toxic ex they're secretly hoping to rekindle things with. (What? Too extreme?)


  1. Girls are not just stupid, we're crazy... I think that's where a lot of this comes from. Also these girls need to realize this is not the only guy that will be with them! They can move on!

    But it IS Justin Timberlake!

  2. As the ladies of Heart say...

    Let me go crazy on ya
    Crazy on you
    Let me go crazy, crazy on you, ohhh

  3. Mental. Physical. Guys who don't care about a girl - act like a badass, say funnier things (because he's not overthinking things, and has rougher, wilder sex... It's hard not to be turned on by those traits.

  4. girls are dumb because they focus all their time and energy on projecting their values on some guy they get hopelessly obsessed with and they can't make a decision without the support of their just-as-dumb girlfriends. guys run the world and will always run the world because we focus on things that actually matter rather than whether or not some bitch is into us or how we look in our jeans. odds are if you feel like your man doesn't think you're important, its because your not important. i pray to god i have sons.