Wednesday, October 26, 2011

the BLOW OFF questionnaire: meet the Silicon Valley Bachelor!

It's our first questionnaire filled out by someone with a penis! Yay! You may already know Kevin L. and his blog The Silicon Valley Bachelor from his contributions on the BLOW OFF. He strikes fear in the heart of every naive woman out there. Kevin and I went to junior high school together. I was in seventh grade when he was in eighth and he was hot shit. As in, he wore parkas hot shit.

I hate girls who...do not have firm opinions.
I love girls who...are Miss Independent. See NeYo song.
My worst break up was...when I had to kick a girl out of my place, that I was forced to offer to her, because she was an illegal Polish immigrant, suffering from anxiety and depression, and was unemployed. I thought I could help her in some way, but I came to resent the fact my parents liked her more than me. Then again, they like most people more than me. Plus, she told them I was an alcoholic, when only that alcohol is my favorite drink. Big difference.
My easiest break up was...all the time. I just casually don't call a girl for long periods of time so that she'll know it's not serious. I'll never divulge anything deep about myself, so she won't feel like she knows me or has "gotten to know" me.
My three deal breakers are...smoking, doesn't drink, and doesn't want kids. Those three go together like Donald and Ivana, Burt and Lonnie, Mia and Woody...
I've been in love...(love is the most arbitrary of terms. I love a lot. I'm passionate. I may be think about 2 girls in my past and hope they found someone better than me)....times.
I've broken (broken is an arbitrary term as well. I am so difficult, I know. Maybe 5? Although, I am "that guy" who acts like a real dick and shows all my WORST qualities, so that the girl feels better about the break up before it happens, so who knows) hearts.
My go to sad break up song is...Tupac "changes"- We gotta make a change!
My go to "fuck you" break up song is...Dr. Dre "Bitches Ain't Shit."
Angelina Jolie...'s lips were the first body part that has given me a full on erection. Other than boobs and butts.
Reality TV is...a drag along, low pay off, tease.

Read more about Kevin's exploits on his blog The Silicon Valley Bachelor.

2 comments:

  1. HAHAHA, parkas. Don't forget that I wore them inside out. That's how Kris Kross would've wanted it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. you should bring back the parka. it's long overdue for a comeback.

    ReplyDelete