Tuesday, October 11, 2011

the gushy BLOW OFF

A friend once told me that the H bomb and I were the least "gushy" couple she knew. I wasn't sure at the time whether her comment was an insult or a compliment. I don't think it was either, but it was probably an accurate assessment of our relationship. I've never been all that keen on PDA or going on and on to other people about how happy we are together. I think I was traumatized at an early age by my high school boyfriend who would literally lick my ear, while I was trying to have a conversation with a friend. Not okay. Also, after years of being the third wheel with my friends and their bfs, there was nothing that bothered me more than staring off into space while they made out and whispered sweet nothings. I promised myself then that I would never do that to anyone. And so, I became the anti-gush.

Generally speaking, it's single people who find gushy couples most offensive, but even when I got into a relationship, I would still gag at the first sign of uber-gush. You might think this all stems from some deep rooted childhood abandonment issues, but I grew up in a household where "I love you" was uttered all the time. My parents have always been affectionate and emotionally present. Maybe the fact that love wasn't lacking in my family life made me less needy for it in other relationships, but there's a lot of psycho babble in that. I know a lot of people with great families who still go for the gush, while sticking their tongues so far down their boyfriends throats that they may for reals be giving them an internal BJ...even in front of their single friends who currently have no romantic prospects. Not okay.

I prefer to gush behind closed doors, because I don't want to annoy people. I'm genuinely happy for the peeps who want to shout their love from the rooftops (or on Facebook walls), but I'm also genuinely irritated by them. Maybe I'm just empathizing with the fact that it's salt in the wound for anyone that's hurting over a relationship. Or maybe I'd just rather get my freak on in private.

Let's just say I'd be the type of celebrity that would give generic answers about my relationship in interviews, but not because I claimed it was "too sacred" to discuss publicly. BUT all of my irritability issues aside, perhaps I should just stop fighting it and join the gushers. I gushed on Facebook recently about a blog post the H-bomb wrote for his company. It was hard, but I got through it. I gushed in my wedding vows (which, lucky for me was a perfectly acceptable forum for it) and I didn't pass out afterward which is a good sign. But I did break out in hives. That's not true, but I did get a really bad runny nose. I'm not sure if there's a connection there.

What do you think, readers? Am I being a sourpuss? Is this the first time you've heard that term since fifth grade? And more importantly, are you the gushy type or not? comment below!


  1. "I know a lot of people with great families who still go for the gush, while sticking their tongues so far down their boyfriends throats that they may for reals be giving them an internal BJ"


  2. I'm personally not the gushy type (publicly). I don't mind a little hand holding, etc. Or even a quick peck but I'd feel really rude it I were basically making out with my beau in front of someone over brunch.

    I've had the do the whole gazing-off-into-space thing while waiting for coupled up friends to dismount and I always found it super tacky when couples behaved this way, especially in front of single friends. I mean, I'm not gonna sit across the table from you feeling myself up, while you stare off into space, you know? (p.s. Now I totally want some single person to do that as an experiment in front of their gushy friends).

    I don't think single friends begrudge coupled-up friends love and the right to express it publicly...within limits. If you wouldn't do it in front of your parents, kid, niece or nephew, don't do it in front of me.

  3. holy crap, that is genius. Instead of flash mobs, should we organize a single people masturbation mob in protest to over the top couple PDA'S?

  4. Hahahaha! Flash masturbation mob! Love it. That would put a quick end to OTT PDAs:)