Tuesday, October 4, 2011

the "i did not have textual relations" with that boy BLOW OFF

It's guest post Tuesday, woot woot! I love guest posts, especially when they come from twenty-two year olds whose dating lives I can live through vicariously:

During my final quarter of college, I met a guy in a bar named Matt. He was visiting town with a friend of a friend, a little older than me and worked at a company that rhymes with Snapple. We hit it off right away. And even though the combination of his
taste in clothing and appreciation of my sass and humor made me question his sexuality, I continued to flirt with him until he left the bar. A bit later in the evening, and at a different venue, we reunited on a dance floor. After a little making out (classy) we assumed each other as dates for the evening until the bars closed and I proceeded to go home without him. Matt insisted that I put my number into his iPhone (obviously) and after he gave me the "my friends left me down here because we all thought I was getting laid" speech I informed him that I didn't usually bring guys home. He then responded with, "You say usually like I have a chance." Smooth.

After assuring him that he didn't, I began to receive a ton of shit from my friends about how this was our senior year, and you only live once...when I got a text from Matt asking me to come back. Somewhere, in the midst of writing a lengthy response back, (describing that I had a twin bed and wouldn't actually sleep with him) it was decided that he'd come back to my house. The night was fun and innocent enough. We talked a lot and as far as my first bringing-a-random-guy-I-just met-at-bar experience it seemed to go pretty well. The next morning we chatted about my "exciting" post college life, and then he dropped an H-bomb on me and said that he'd be enrolling in Harvard Business in the fall. Say, what? When he left my house I assumed that I'd never see him again and was proud of myself for nearly bagging an Ivy Leaguer the first time I decided to behave somewhat slutty.
And then he texted me.

During the rest of the quarter, we actually saw each other a few other times and did eventually hook up. Even though we hadn't spent a ton of time together physically, we texted ALL THE TIME. Once our flirtation continued far longer than I had expected, I became concerned. If I was trying to figure out what I was doing post-graduation and he was going to be in Boston, I knew that we couldn't maintain this type of interaction for much longer. I decided to call him up and blow him off. I rationalized that if we upgraded the relationship to "periodic checking-in type phone calls" we could eliminate the day-to-day interaction without ruining the possibility of seeing (screwing) each other when opportunity permitted. Win-win. Obviously when I called him it was a "bad time," and he said that he'd get back to me in a bit. Sure enough, I got a "What's up?" text a couple of hours later. What was up, was that I was no longer going to be accepting his textual advances, and that if he ever wanted to call and treat me like a lady that he was more than welcome. He responded with a, "I'm sorry to hear that," which I couldn't decipher as having any sort of emotion since we were still texting.

After that, Matt continued to periodically text me and I usually responded without pursuing any more of a conversation. The last time I heard from him was when he added me to his LinkedIn account, with a friendly message asking how/what I was doing. I chose to accept the request and ignore the convo. As if he thought I was going to fall for another line of digital communication? I have this weird desire for former flings to upgrade after me, (obviously I want to be replaced by a better model) so naturally I'm assuming that he's now banging Tyra Banks.


  1. i think it's so cool that you want your exes to end up with a better model than you. I'm the total opposite. I want them to end up with dead hookers.

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