Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy turkey drop day!

Happy Turkey Drop day, readers! While all of you are enjoying mashed potatoes and stuffing and green bean casserole with your family, some poor unsuspecting college student is getting dumped on their ass. It turns out Thanksgiving weekend is not only the biggest shopping weekend ever, it's also the biggest break up weekend ever. Cause all those college freshmen who mistakenly decided to do long distance come home and break up with their high school sweethearts.

It kind of breaks my heart to think that at many a Thanksgiving table, a young person is in the throes of a BLOW OFF. Especially if that young person is in junior college and got dumped by their bf or gf that went away to school. Talk about salt in the wound.

So, here's my message to all the girls and boys on the losing side of the turkey drop. This break up was inevitable. We all saw it coming. If you're going to be this naive when it comes to other aspects of your life, you're fucked. You didn't get dumped, because long distance is too hard or because you're both still so young. You got dumped, because there is some eager girl or boy back at your sig other's college waiting in the wings for them. A girl or boy they've probably already hooked up with behind your back. Do yourself a favor. Don't spend the next three years still wondering what could have been with your high school sweetheart. They are NOT your high school sweetheart anymore. They are your high school bitterheart. I know, it sounds cheesy (because it is)-- but the more you long for them, the more you stare at your prom picture, and the more you drive by all those public parking lots you used to hang out in, the more bitter you will become. Instead, have another slice of pumpkin pie, go do some serious retail therapy tomorrow, and then get on the treadmill. You're gonna have to lose all that holiday weight (plus the freshman 15, ouch) if you want to make your ex jealous with a slew of hot new mobile uploads.


  1. I went through one of these my freshman year in college. We had broken up a few weeks earlier, but I was sure we'd get back together come Thanksgiving. God, I was so heart-broken when we didn't, it was crazy.

    Btw, I totally think this is one case where guys get it much worse than girls. Girls who never realized they were cute in high school get surrounded by a bunch of horny older guys who hit on them non-stop and all of a sudden their ex-bfs seem like little boys in comparison. Guys on the other hand go from being the oldest kids at school to being the new kids with the deer in the headlights look in college.

  2. O. That's such a good point! I got way more attention in college than in high school. this is a case of boys getting the shaft.