Wednesday, November 16, 2011

an open BLOW OFF letter to Elisabeth Hasselbeck

Dear Elisabeth,

You think people don't like you, because you're a Republican. That's not true. People don't like you, because you're dumb and super annoying. I used to love The View, at least in concept. Smart women discussing politics and everyday issues. But lately, I'm hard pressed to find any smart women on the show. It's more like a program about a girl that says something stupid and cringe-worthy and all her co-hosts awkwardly try to change the subject, because they are so embarrassed for her. And then her grandma who has slight dementia reassures her and tells her how much they love having her on the show. You are single-handedly the reason I stopped watching.

I've heard you are a nice person. I'm guessing you're probably a good mom. None of these things matter to me, because everything that comes out of your mouth makes me want to break my television set. You're ignorant. You're not funny. You have no idea what you're talking about. You speak in ridiculous sound bites. Plus, it's really hard to take anyone seriously when they are more orange than the contestants on Dancing with the Stars.

On yesterday's show, you hijacked the entire interview with Bill Maher to confront him about a joke he made about you on his show (which actually was really funny) and you said you were speaking on behalf of all women. Oh, no you didn't! I really hope the words "on behalf of all women" are never uttered from your mouth again. There isn't a smart, successful, rational female I know that doesn't find you wholly offensive. It's really a shame you are the "young" voice on the show-- a fact you love to try and use to your advantage-- "insulting" Bill Maher by asking him how long it's been since he was in high school, saying over and over again on the same show that you're the same age as Ashton Kutcher--- when the truth is, you're totally disconnected from what young people care about. This country is getting more liberal and more progressive. It doesn't make sense for the show's conservative voice and young voice to be the same person. I mean for the love of God, you campaigned for SARAH PALIN!

But let's put your political beliefs aside for a minute (you know, the ones you only inherited because your husband is a Republican). What's with that grating voice? Do you hear yourself? You sound like you're on your period ALL the time. You sound like you've never gotten laid. You sound like Tracy Flick. You try to make the same idiotic point OVER and OVER again. You don't know when to shut up. The more you talk, the worse you look. Not to mention you are totally narcissistic. Aren't there more important things to debate in an interview than spending ten minutes talking about someone being mean to you on their TV show? No one cares! Even the audience of The View laughed at the joke you kept adamantly claiming wasn't funny. Plus, I kind of think the part of the joke that really got under your skin was that Bill Maher said Lara Logan was hotter than you. Elisabeth--Rosie O'Donnell is hotter than you.

You don't need to go to Egypt, but I'd prefer you off my TV screen. I wish ABC would shake things up and get rid of you. Bring on someone a little older, more seasoned, and intelligent to be their conservative voice. Then add a new young co-host that young women could actually relate to. You can go on Fox News instead where no one is going to hurt your feelings. Then, I could stop BLOWING OFF The View and put it back on my DVR list.



  1. please tell me she's going to read this. we should get joy to read it on the view!!

  2. Nicely Said. Couldn't agree more.