Monday, December 12, 2011

the biological clock BLOW OFF

I don't know how or when it happened, but suddenly a massive number of girls on Facebook that are my age (or younger) are having babies. And they all happen to look super pretty and svelt at the same time. I'm happy for them and everything, but part of me wonders if they're just having kids to make the rest of us feel bad about the fact that we're not ready to push a watermelon out of our perfectly taut vaginas. Okay, I know that's not really the reason, but let's for the purposes of this blog post, pretend that it is.

You're probably thinking: Saaara, don't stress out. You're still young. You have so much time ahead of you. Women are having babies in their sixties now. This is true, but when those women are seventy, their kids will be ten. Plus, I'm cool with being one of the older moms at school, but I draw the line at being mistaken for my future child's grandmother.

Also, I'm thirty-one. According to recent studies, that means 90% of my eggs have already turned to dust. So, let's just pretend I decide to have my first child by 35. Which in most parts of the country is on the later side in life. And let's say it could take me up to a year to get pregnant. Then, factor in the 9 month (which is actually really 10 months) of cooking the kid...then, throw in the fact that only children scare me and that I will want to have more kids before I'm say, 40. And that each kid will probably put my career on hold for at least a year. And let's not forget, Hollywood is ageist and young, hip, female writers are all the rage...= all things considered, I'd say I have about two years to get my career in tip-top shape before getting knocked up. FUCK ME.

This is the kind of shit that keeps me up at night. And it's the kind of shit that the H-bomb is subjected to when I'm on a downward spiral. And truth be told...he does not have to factor children into his career trajectory at all. He can be a dad and maybe one day run a company at the same time without any pauses in between.

So, perhaps I should rethink the whole "kids" thing all together. But then who's going to take care of me when I'm really old and need someone to drive me to doctor's appointments?

I don't think I have an answer to this post right now. The biological clock is a major bummer, but at least it's also a great motivator to make some career strides a-s-a-p. And to all my Facebook friends/new moms...keep on doing what you're doing...cause even though it makes me panic, the pictures of your cute babies totally make up for it.

6 comments:

  1. You know what keeps me up at night? Nothing, I hit the sheets, and it's lights out. Food for thought - Asian babies, not for eating, but for raising

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  2. Only children scare you? What is that all about?

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  3. I do that math all the time - and it freaks me out! Especially when you read the stats and articles about why there are so few female law partners and Fortune 500 Female CEOs. I try to comfort myself by thinking about the fact that my grandmother was 40 when she had my Mom in the 1950s, so anything is possible!

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  4. @nona, they don't scare me per se, but i love my siblings so much and I grew up with a ton of cousins that if it was physically/financially possible for me to have more than one child, I would want to. I don't want my kid(s) to be deprived of those relationships.

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  5. Seriously, it's so f'ed up. Totally not fair. Plus, I'm going to feel left out of the cousin loop if you guys all start having kids. You and I used to have a complex over being the youngest cousins, as if those couple years between us and Payam/Samira somehow were such a wide gulf. With you guys all married and talking about kids, I'm developing that complex again.

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  6. it's different though, because you're a guy-- Jake and Bryon were both 34 when they got married, so you're right on schedule. Payam had to go and mess it up and get married younger.

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