Tuesday, December 20, 2011

relationship advice from smart Harvard students

Did you guys hear about the Google doc that circulated among Harvard students last week? Here's the brief back story: it started as one girl's psych assignment to create a guide for relationships. But this chick was so lazy, instead of writing the guide herself, she decided to send out a Google doc and let the rest of the student body do the work for her. Ugh, Ivy League-rs are such underachievers! Turns out she was the Zuckerberg of relationship guides, because the doc blew up with advice.

I looked it over and here are some of the highlights...the biggest takeaway might be: always wear flip flops in the shower. I also took comfort in the fact that even kids at one of the top universities in the country say things like "duh" "LOL" and "heteronormative."

Advice from Harvard students:
Remember the little things— when they have finals/papers/etc. AND THE BIG THINGS. LIKE BIRTHDAYS. or what they might like but did not tell you (a theme you might see in their room, etc) ask favorite color! and animal?

Although technology tempts us to deal with problems via texting and over the internet, remember that relationships are between people and try to deal with problems in person.[omg too real] Alternatively, sexting can solve everything.

Don't transfer your misplaced frustrations from other sources - midterms, job interviews, etc, on them. Remember that they're going through hard times too.

Threesomes. +1 (Only when your relationship is stable enough, otherwise you should stick to foursomes.) gender preferences/ratios?

Have a sex life. No seriously. true that. [A sex life is great if you are comfortable with it, but don't feel like you HAVE to have a sex life. Do what feels most comfortable for you or you will be miserable in any relationship][ Clarification then: Make sure that both you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to sex: If not then honestly its something that needs to be figured out

Go gay! Why not? Everybody else is doing it.

Before you pick/continue a fight, ask yourself if it's worth it. 24. Be understanding of your partner. Girls like to assume men are always wrong and need to be some knight in shining armor and be everywhere and do everything, (this is coming from a girl by the way) Also, always assume heteronormative relationship models! Like making sandwiches and doing dishes? -Sorry for the example. Disregard if you so wish.

ALWAYS make it clear from the start. Casual hookups do not turn into serious love. -You never know, although when in a casual hookup it's best not to complicate with your feelings unless it's mutual. One of my best relationships started as a hookup

If in long distance, try to make rituals to do together — send photos, postcards, or schedule Skype dates. ("Dates.")

I personally a think being in a relationship is more than two individuals. It's when two people give up enough for each other to be something different. → Communism. → False understanding of communism ← that's what the Communists want you to say.

Guys don't be jerks

Start a rumor that your significant other has the clap! Then no one will want to hook up with them, so they can't cheat on you. :)

(Not sure if this is everyone, but...) It sometimes is annoying if you only say "sure" or "OK" or "I don't care" — a definitive "yes" or "no" doesn't have the other party questioning your sincerity/willingness to do something.

Train yourself extensively so that you can defeat your partner in physical combat (or carry her up the stairs, super romantic!) should the occasion arise. (why only physical combat? Do a dance battle instead. :P But jousting always settles everything. (Or if you're emotionally superior, you can win at mind games?) Yes! Mind games are a good option.

HYGIENE! Be clean and smell clean. soooooaaaap = win. soap operas?

Prepare a dance routine for every TLC song, because you never know when you'll need to perform one. Start with "No Scrubs" and work your way from there. (Wait, what?)

Love is hiding who you really are at all times, even when you're sleeping. Love is wearing make up to bed, and going downstairs to the Burger King to poop, and hiding alcohol in perfume bottles. That's love. <3

Love is waking up next to a plate of bacon. feed each other bacon. Use bacon lube, such thing exists!

Make sure they don't live in the Quad. Make sure they don't live in your house. Make sure they're not under the floorboards

Shower together in champagne.

Do not hook up with, fall in love with, date, or otherwise engage with your roommates. Especially if you have other roommates that don't want to get caught in it.

Watch a romantic comedy. COPY WHAT THEY SAY. Seriously.

Don't suck dick in a bathroom stall like Brenda Song in the Social Network.I've actualy done this. ←- How did this work out for you? He's my long-term boyfriend now. ←— Props. Brenda Song is so irrelevant. But I'm using her as a case study! Brenda Song is unworthy of your study. YOU ARE UNWORTHY OF BRENDA SONG'S MOUTH. Brenda Song is the only asian Disney Chanel star. Megan Lee is a disney channel artist, Megan Lee is not relevant enough though. Brenda Song is like the skinny asian Raven Simone.

Only do anal if you're in the shower. Always wear flip flops in the shower. Only steal street signs when you're really drunk and egged on by roommates.

2 comments:

  1. This advice is retahded, fahk those eggheads at hahvard

    3 steps to seduction

    1. See if they like apples
    2. Learn it's not your fault
    3. Go see about a girl

    ReplyDelete
  2. This might be my favorite comment ever.

    ReplyDelete