Thursday, January 5, 2012

BLOW OFF questionnaire: Meet Mitra!

Hey readers, meet my amazing cousin Mitra. I have so many fond memories with her growing up-- including her getting me drunk for the first time, taking me out of school so I could go to San Francisco with her and get my copy of The Hottest State signed by Ethan Hawke, and of course riding around San Jose with her the day she got her license. I used to fantasize about living with her someday. I still look up to her-- the woman sent me text messages everyday for a week leading up to my wedding to help with the nerves and sent me a long email the day before of all the things I should try not to worry about. She's the bestest. No disrespect to our other questionnaire guests, but this might be my favorite one yet--- it wasn't enough for her to write about what she loves/hates about guys, she wanted to throw in the girls too. If you want to read more of Mitra's amazing writing, check out her awesome blog.

I hate girls this point in my life, still hate girls just for being female. Can we all just grow up already and get to know someone before we hate them? I can't believe I still encounter women in this day and age who don't like me just because I am a woman.

I hate boys who...act like they really like you, give you the verbal like even, and then never call. But since I'm married, this point is kind of moot so, I hate boys who can't seem to hit the laundry basket no matter how big it is or how close he is standing to it.

I love girls who...make me laugh, accept me even though I have some really weird quirks and ocd, get my sense of humor, and let me cry on their shoulder over and over about the same stupid thing.

I love boys who...are strong enough not to be threatened by me and again, since I'm married...I love boys who randomly bring me flowers, remind me to bring my shower shoes on vacation so I don't have to touch the drain, finally remember to put the forks with the forks, the knives with the knives and the spoons with the spoons in the dishwasher, tolerate the extra thick blanket even in summer, and makes the dogs leave me alone when I just can't take being followed around the house another second!

My worst breakup was...probably every single one of them at the time it was happening. Looking back, I don't remember why each one felt so horrible but I do have a few 'good' memories. The one that broke up with me through a text message, the one that ended our engagement on Christmas eve, the one that moved out while I was gone for the weekend, but I think the one that affected me the most was my very first boyfriend. First love, 'first'... He cheated on me after we had been together for a year. Remember high school? A year was a super long time together. I was more devastated than I understood at the time and cheating has been something that deeply impacted me ever since. It just makes me feel that hurt all over again when I think of the person being cheated on and the betrayal.

My easiest break up was...the one with the guy who only had sex in one position and never went down on me. (Is this way too much for the Blow Off? I think it is pertinent because I didn't get blown, or off) What more is there to say?

My three deal breakers are...I'm guessing one would be answered by the last question, not loving my dogs, and not being comfortable being left alone at one of my family parties. I have a huge family and we have a lot of parties and weddings. I'm a social person. I won't just abandon a man the first time or even the third time but if you can't handle interacting with people on your own after several meetings, I can't handle you. In all fairness, I don't expect to be coddled when I meet your family or friends. Just give me a drink and send me on my way around the room.

I've been in love...Oh Jesus! I lost count somewhere around 40...I'm one of those 'fall in love at first sight' kind of people. I've been 'in love' with each and every one of them. Ok, maybe there were 2 or 3 that were just for fun but in general, I've been in love. Of course, now that I know my husband I realize that what I thought was love was simply a fabrication brought on by too many books and movies. Love isn't instant, it isn't always burning hot, it is never simple. It requires patience, time, understanding, and most of all, selflessness.

I've had my heart broken...truly and completely broken? By the death of my dog Duke. I've lost other dogs and it has been really sad but losing Duke has been a pain that has never left my heart. I was 17, he was 11. He had been so many things to me during those years of learning, growing, becoming me. I wouldn't consider trying to count how many times he sat there hoping for love while I was too busy listening to music or avoiding homework. I know that no replacement exists for the times he was willing to be smothered by my misery during my emotional teenage years. I don't believe in God, I don't have any notion of what happens to us when we die but I do know that I live my life trying to be good enough to see my dog Duke again and even perhaps, spend eternity with him by my side.

I've broken...unknown hearts. I'm not sure if I have ever broken any really. Except maybe the guy from the easiest break up. He didn't seem to see it coming. He actually cried.

My go to sad break up song...I have a whole cd actually that I made for me. It is titled SAD. Really, I am truly that sappy. Plus, each break up has a different song because each relationship has a different ending. Sometimes it is power instilling songs, sometimes it is songs that intentionally make me cry. Uh oh, I don't seem to have simple answers to any of these questions, do I?

My go to 'fuck you' break up song is...courtesy of my beloved cousin, Sara. I think some of you might know her. She made me a CD after the guy who moved out while I was gone for the weekend. Great break up CD! The song is Fighter by Christina Aguilera..made me feel tough and angry and able to ignore the hurt and pain of the break up.

Angelina Jolie...used to be so incredibly hot. She was totally on my list of 'hey if I ever run into this celebrity and they are drunk enough to want me I get to have sex with them regardless of my relationship status'. Lately, she is not only haggard looking and way way way too skinny to be hot but also, I have no desire to deal with all those damned kids and even running into Brad Pitt and maybe getting some threesome action doesn't make it worth my fantasy while. She is off my radar completely..until I see Lara Croft on TBS in the afternoon and then I am reminded of why she was on the list in the first place.

Reality TV...has been the source of some really good times in my life. I used to have a group of friends over (about a decade ago) to watch The Real World and eat dinner every week. Sadly, the group has gone their own ways and yet I still find myself secretly watching in my bedroom on the TIVO without my husband knowing (god, I hope I hope I hope). Also, there is The Amazing Race, Top Chef, Restaurant Impossible, Kitchen Nightmares, every prison show I can find, and don't forget the downfall of our future..Teen Mom (both 1 and 2). Oh Christ! No wonder I'm getting dumber by the moment!!

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  1. EASILY my favorite answers EVER. You seem like the coolest girl ever and I'm currently trying to figure out how to get my bf to get over his fear of going down there... you're an inspiration!

    hahaha but mostly i love your hair in this picture

    ok, creeper out

  2. What are the chances that she might adopt me?

  3. Right? She's amazing, trying to get her to write for the BLOW OFF more often.