Thursday, January 26, 2012

the forgive & forget BLOW OFF

There are entire religions based on the idea of forgiveness, but since I fall somewhere between atheist and agnostic, I suck at it when it comes to relationships. I'm totally the girl that brings up the past during a fight-- usually when it helps strengthen my argument. I can't help it. It can be so satisfying and necessary at times. And it's not always a defense mechanism-- sometimes previous wrongs still creep up in my head weeks, months, and even years after the fact. Suddenly I'm emotionally back to where I was when the falling out first happened. It turns out...I haven't forgotten or forgiven shit.

Maybe I'm just a victim of my culture. Iranians are notorious for holding grudges and not being able to let things go. Or maybe I just kind of think the whole forgiveness campaign is a total crock, propagated by people who do shitty things and need to convince others to let them off the hook for it. Like, did Ted Haggard's wife really forgive him for doing crystal meth and fucking other men behind her back just cause Jesus taught her that was the right thing to do? Am I really supposed to believe it never still keeps her up at night and that she doesn't bring it up when its convenient?

Ted: I really hate it when you hog the sheets.
Ted's wife: Oh, really? Cause I really hate it when you hump other men behind my back.

According to the big forgiveness believers, those of us that can't practice it are weak. But maybe those of you that can are just giant pushovers. Tell me readers, what side of the forgive & forget argument do you land on? Have you truly been able to forgive a significant other for fucking up in a big way? Please enlighten me and teach me how by commenting below.

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