Monday, February 13, 2012

the relationship status BLOW OFF

Now that we live in the world of relationship status updates on Facebook, I think it's time to set some ground rules on how to deal with a break up and not be a complete idiot about it on the internet.

So, NEW RULE: If you just broke someone's heart into a million pieces and they're just beginning to process things like, I don't know, having to move out of the home they share with you...then, it's probably better to wait more than twelve hours before you announce the break up to all your mutual friends via your Facebook relationship status. You know, so maybe the person who you completely blind-sided would have enough time to tell sister and friends themselves, instead of everyone they love learning the news on Facebook.

I know what you're thinking, because I'm psychic. Who would send someone reeling by dumping them and then be narcissistic enough to announce it to their Facebook friends just hours later? Only a total douche bag. Here's how I think a change in relationship status should be handled on Facebook. Perhaps if you're the person doing the dumping, you can hold off on making any sort of internet announcements until the person who got dumped has had enough time to let things sink in and change their status first. I know, I know-- when you're someone who thrives on attention, it can be hard to hold your tongue that long, but don't you think it's the least you could do? Also, you can even quietly change your relationship status without it showing up on everyone's newsfeed.

Oh, and there's also no reason to write a public statement in your status update to tell your side of the story on the break up. Yes, I know-- who would be arrogant enough to assume something like this is necessary? Again, only a total douche bag. Here's the deal. Unless you're a famous person, you do not need to make some public statement about your break up. Do the 300+ people on Facebook that hardly even know you really care? No. And your close friends and family can be contacted via text, e-mail, or phone. I don't care if you feel like you need to explain yourself, because people think you're an asshole. You are an asshole. Just accept it.

6 comments:

  1. This is a pretty incredible story. It's hard to believe anyone would be this unnecessarily heartless & self-centered while up-ending someone else's life. Goodness. An asshole of the highest order.

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  2. Cookie Guy? Douche Bag? That's rich. Does he read this blog?

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  3. Wait, is this a true story involving Cookie Guy, or did you just randomly single him out because his website is so douchey?

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  4. LOL, it's a true story involving cookie guy, but yes, douchey website as well.

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  5. Honestly, I hate Facebook and social networking in general when it comes to stuff like this. It makes breakups and other instances of falling out so much more difficult. Call me old, but I miss the days when you could break up or fall out and that person would just be gone. They would not have to still be in your lives in one way, shape or form on the 'net. They would not be friends with your friends on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, Pinterest, etc. You would not have to "run into" them on a mutual friend's wall. And I know you can unfriend and block, but just knowing that person is out there sharing status updates with YOUR friends is enough to ruin your day. It turns 30-something folks into mooning adolescents. I really, really hate it.

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  6. I so agree! In the old days, my exes didn't have to stay in touch with my friends through Facebook, Google Plus and the rest of the social networking universe. Now I have an ex who is still friends with some of my friends on that infernal site, and I feel petty asking them to unfriend him. So I have to live with him being a daily part of their lives when, just a few years ago, this would not have been the case. So, really, how can I get rid of him and over him for good if he sticks around in this manner? It's gross! And only going to get worse. Ugh, can't we go back to 2003? ;)

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