Monday, February 27, 2012

the separation & the BLOW OFF

The highlight of last night's Oscars ceremony for me was the film A Separation winning best foreign language film. I watched the show with my parents and we sobbed like babies during Asghar Farhadi's acceptance speech. As Iranians, it was a proud moment, because for once, we were getting some positive recognition. We had to pause the show after the win and call relatives to commiserate. I saw the movie last weekend and it's about so many things (class, religion, family, integrity), but at its core the film explores what happens to a husband and wife when they stop wanting the same things. Oh, and a lot of crazy shit happens in between.

The film begins with Simin (the wife) seeking a divorce, because Nader (the husband) won't leave the country with her, so he can care for his ailing father. And she comes off a little unsympathetic because of it. But maybe there's something refreshing about a woman that doesn't want to change her path in life, because of a man. Especially in a culture where women don't get a whole lot of say. Regardless, there can only be two outcomes-- either one of them folds and changes their life plan or they go their separate ways.

The whole wanting different things dilemma is perhaps the ultimate relationship game-changer. I remember when the h-bomb and I were dating, he asked me how I would feel if he got his dream New York. Would I move there with him even if it meant changing my life/job and being far away from my family? Keep in mind this was a guy that had pretty much moved to LA for me. But my answer was: hell no. I guess I've never considered myself the kind of woman that would move anywhere or stay anywhere for a guy. And even though we're married now, I can't say I've totally changed my mind. Yeah, obvi, I'd rather follow him than be without him, but I might go kicking and screaming. There was even a recurring theme from American Idol contestants (yes, I just made a parallel between an Academy Award winning foreign film and a cheesy reality show) where several women admitted they gave up their dreams of becoming singers, because of their husbands. They were only now auditioning after getting divorced.

It frustrates me that being in a relationship sometimes means delaying or BLOWING OFF your dreams so your partner can pursue the things they want. I'm not sure how you do that without completely resenting the other person in the process. What do you think ladies and gents? Do relationships always have to be about compromise or is it best to cut bait if being with the person means changing your entire life for them?


  1. I was really moved by this as well last night. Thanks for writing about it. Can't wait to see the film!

  2. it's so good, you will love it!