Monday, March 26, 2012

the Black and White BLOW OFF

My first real boyfriend was in the 8th grade. We dated for two whole weeks. I think we would have made it at least a month if something hadn’t come between us.

About a week into our relationship, I was in class, writing a love note to my new boyfriend when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and a girl I had been friends with since kindergarten was sitting behind me. Here’s where I will note that I am a white girl. This girl was black… as was my boyfriend. And she had a very strong message for me: I was not to be dating a black guy. She made it very clear this message was not just from her – it was from all the black girls we knew. I was shocked. Not only were these girls my friends, but it hadn’t occurred to me that it would ever be an issue. I spent another few days thinking it over and eventually did the only thing a white girl in the 8th grade knows how to do in this situation – I wrote him a note breaking up with him. I didn’t look him in the eye for weeks. I also never told him WHY I broke up with him. I really didn’t know how to say that we couldn’t date because I was white – and I also didn’t want to admit out loud that the other girls had intimidated me.

This incident was never spoken of again between any of my 8th grade classmates. The guy and I are now facebook friends and I’m not even sure he would remember that we were even boyfriend/girlfriend. We didn’t even get a chance to kiss or have our parents drive us awkwardly to the movies. I went on to stay friends with the girl who delivered the message – and most of the other girls behind it. It just seemed like a fact: white girls at our school were not to date the black guys at our school.

I want to say that I’ve gotten over this breakup because it was roughly 12 years ago and I was a child. But… I haven’t. No, I do not think I would have ended up marrying that guy or even making it to summer vacation as his girlfriend. However, I can’t get over that something like race came between us and I just shrugged it off and went on my way.

I'm not really sure there's any junior high kids reading this blog but I really hope black and white kids alike are just dating whoever the hell they want with no pressure. I will resist quoting the Michael Jackson song cause I know y'all are hearing it in your heads anyway.


  1. 8th grade is such a volatile time! I can't believe those girls. If everyone stuck to their own race when it came to dating and getting married, then we wouldn't have any stunning interracial peeps to stare at. personally, i can't wait to have adorable little mixed kids.

    1. my sister will probably end up marrying a black guy because they're just her type and i cannot wait for adorable mixed nieces and nephews!

  2. I never knew. Oh, well - peer pressure!

  3. Oh my gosh I'm so proud you dated a black guy but that sucks that that happened!!! And of course i will prob marry a black guy. He will also have to be at least 10 years older than me.