Monday, March 19, 2012

The Disappearing Act BLOW OFF

So J (I couldn’t come up with a nice enough code name so we’re going with his initial), basically walked into my life. The first time I saw him, I thought “I’m going to date that guy.” Actually, I thought “I’m going to have sex with that guy.” Yes, I’m a lady. We were both working on the same movie and we saw each other every day. After three months of giving some of the best flirtation of my life, we finally got together. We spent the next six months in a really great relationship. He was interested in me, wanted to spend time with me, loved me and even met me at the finish line of my first half-marathon and later said “I loved being there when you finished.”

At the end of the year, he had to go home between jobs. We knew it could be up to three months of separation, but we were ready. We were going to Skype, email, call, text, IM and let the absence make our hearts grow fonder. The first month was fine. We talked on the phone and texted regularly. But then, the communication started to dwindle. He was hanging out with his other apparently unemployed friends a lot and our schedules never seemed to match up. He called me on Valentine’s Day and it was a great call. The next weekend, we emailed and texted a little bit, but not much. I called him, no return call. I emailed him, no return email. I called him once a day for ten days. Not ten times a day for one day. And my voicemails were the opposite of crazy. “Hey babe, it’s me, just thought we could catch up. Miss you!” NO RETURN CALL. I sent a couple of emails that basically said “look, if something’s going on, we need to talk. If we’re breaking up, we need to do it like grown ups.” No response. So finally, I sent him a REAL letter in the REAL mail. The gist of this letter was “I love you. You broke my heart. I deserve better. I hope you are a grown up someday. Bye.”

That was almost two weeks ago and I have not heard from him. No text, no email and certainly no phone call. And he got that letter because I sent it FedEx and tracked that baby all the way to where it was left at his garage door.

I’m assuming the coward knows we’re broken up, so I’ve been moving on, getting over him and eating a lot of Wendy’s and Domino’s cheesy bread.

I have to say that I’ve never been this disrespected by anyone. Ever. I can’t imagine the level of laziness and cowardice it takes for a person to let things get the way they did with J and I.

I also have to say that I’m really proud of myself. When it came to the point that I was really unhappy and knew I was being treated unfairly – I saved myself. I stood up for myself and I got the hell out of there. Do I miss him? YES. Do I still love him? YES. Do I wish things were the way they were before he left? DUH. But they’re not. He screwed up. I’m smart enough to know I was a catch for him and he was too lazy to keep the best thing that ever happened to him.

So, if I can be so bold and full of myself, my advice to the ladies (and men) out there… if you’re not happy, get out. Yes, it’s hard to imagine being single and then even harder to imagine finding someone else. But you WILL get over this person and you WILL be happy again. And until you are, you always have The Blow Off to remind you that you’re not alone. Misery loves company!

18 comments:

  1. Don't let me get my hands on him.

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  2. You deserve better! The guy was an ass and classless

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  3. I'm proud of you too!

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  4. DEAR HN... Yes, it hurts, a lot... BUT, YOU ARE THE LUCKY ONE! This guy sounds like a real loser. Now go buy something crazy! Look forward....life is full of surprises!

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  5. Ah, yes. I HATE the disappearing act. It drives me inSANE. I have had it done to me by a few people, including a very good friend who was also an ex. It's TERRIBLE. You have to keep up your self esteem in these cases because it's easy to feel like complete crap when someone you care about so much acts as if you aren't even worth speaking to. I'd MUCH rather someone tell me I'm the worst example of humanity they have ever come across than to just stop speaking to me altogether. Being ignored is just one of the most emotionally and physically painful things imaginable. So I feel for you, girl. Just one thing: You did make sure he wasn't dead, right? :)

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  6. HAHA he is definitely not dead. Well at least as of like a week ago or so. Although that really would be his only excuse, right?

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  7. I love this post! It's so true that the hardest blow offs are the ones where you have to walk away from someone you still love and want things to work out with-- but this guy does not deserve you at all if he doesn't even have the decency to give you closure and respond to your letter. I will never understand why people avoid these conversations in a world where email exists and you can do it in the least confrontational way ever. Let him waste away with his unemployed friends. He will be kicking himself when you are running a studio one day and making your oscar acceptance speech!

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  8. Wow...you certainly are the grown up here. Be proud of yourself and know that you are better for this experience. Sometimes the bad experiences bring us to some pretty great ones....keep your eyes and heart open!

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  9. I agree. Cut a hoe.

    But really, he is a loser. You gotta go find yourself a winner, girlfriend.

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  10. What an absolute COWARD. I demand to know why he did this. He's definitely not worth your time, or anyone's, until he figures his sh-t out.

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  11. So you lost a jobless guy who it sounds like moved in with his parents? He probably got fat eating ice cream and playing video games with his loser friends and was too ashamed to face someone who runs half marathons. You'll find someone worth your time and he'll still be a cowardly loser.

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    1. ok now THIS is my favorite comment. You're so right. Thank you :)

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  12. And for all the newly heart-broken ladies, NEVER stop the bikini waxes because you never know who you'll meet tomorrow and you've GOT to be ready!

    -your loving Esthetician

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    1. VERY wise words. if you need the name and number of this AMAZING esthetician (she waxes me and gives me amazing faciels), let me know and I will hand it out!

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