Monday, March 5, 2012

please don't marry the person you BLEW me OFF for

There are a lot of crappy reasons that a relationship ends, but aside from, I don't know...one of you dying, I think the all time worst reason to get dumped is if your boyfriend or girlfriend has fallen in love with someone else. Oh, God. I can barely think about it without wanting to become a cutter. It is the worst feeling. It's happened to me a couple of times, but usually the guy just disappears-- which in hindsight is okay, because who wants to be told something better came along.

The only thing worse than them leaving you for someone else is if they MARRY that person. Okay. I'm digging out the razor blade. It's just massive salt in the wound to have an ex end up eternally happy with the person they preferred over you. None of us want to believe that's what's actually going to happen. Instead, we want to think their shiny new toy ends up showing signs of Bipolar disorder. The relationship ends tragically and violently. And when they've just barely recovered from it, they come across Facebook photos of you and a new boyfriend...and swallow a bottle of pills and either die or get their stomach pumped. Anyway, without going into any details, I've been a victim of "he married the next girl" syndrome and even though I had totally moved on by then, it was still annoying. Not painful. Just annoying. Couldn't it have been anyone but HER? It's cool though. He and I are Facebook friends. It's only a matter of time before he changes his relationship status to "I should never have broken up with Saaara."

This is weirdly why I sort of feel bad for Cameron Diaz. Think about it. She dated Justin Timberlake for five years. That's kind of a long time. Like if she lives to be a 100, that's 5% of her lifetime. Anyway. He was younger than her, so I'm guessing he couldn't commit and they broke up. Almost immediately after, he starts "hanging out" with Jessica Biel. There was even that famous story that Diaz yelled at Jessica at a Golden Globes after-party for flirting with Timberlake. Justin followed her out of the party and supposedly they had an intense post-break up conversation. (Yes, I could win a Nobel prize in celebrity gossip.) and now Justin Timberlake is ENGAGED to Jessica Biel. And Cameron Diaz is doing weird butt poses at the Oscars and aside from a short relationship with ARod and a very weird current romance with PDiddy, she hasn't really been serious with anyone. And that, in a nutshell is why I feel bad for Cameron Diaz. Her ex is marrying the next girl. Even Britney Spears dodged that bullet.

My wish for you readers is that no one you've dated marries the person they ditched you for. Unless that person turns out to have some sort of very contagious flesh eating virus. As for Cameron Diaz, I think she needs to put the JTs, ARods, PDiddys to rest. It's time for a guy that doesn't make a nickname out of his initials. I suggest someone like Josh Lucas.

1 comment:

  1. As long as you are going with Joshs', I'd vote Joshua Jackson because he is beautiful and tall and has to be sweet but since I don't like Cameron Diaz I don't want her to have him.

    ReplyDelete