Thursday, March 8, 2012

Subject: Mea Culpa

As a huge fan of The Blow Off, I had an experience recently that I felt was my duty to share with my fellow fans.

A little back story: A few years ago I dated a boy on-and-off again for about a year. Let’s refer to him as “Weirdly Beardly” because, well, that’s what we called him. Come to think of it, he reminded me of Animal on “The Muppets”. Any who, WB was awesome and smart and hilarious and totally fucked up. You know that guy. We had fun together when we were together, but then he’d magically disappear. Poof! Gone. Our connection was so strong (did I just quote “The Bachelor”? Yes I did --- no shame in my game) that I constantly let him back in all the while knowing I was not being treated with the dignity and respect I deserved. Time after time, this cycle continued. To be fair, I allowed the behavior to take place and have grown tremendously since then, but I never got clarity as to what happened. He simply would vanish leaving me to wonder what I had done to drive him away.

Well, in one of his many phantom acts, I met a boy (nay, a man) who blew Weirdly Beardly out of the water. This man was, and continues to be, kind and generous and consistent and clever and makes me happier and more secure than I’ve ever felt in my life. Yet, in my quest to be honest (we’re all friends here), I’ve often wondered what happened to the original Weirdly Beardly and in my most insecure of moments I question what it was that lead him to be so distant and careless with my heart.

Cut to: I received this email from Weirdly Beard just other other day. Oh, snap!

Subject: Mea culpa

Hey there,

I was just thinking to myself earlier today what a wonderful person you are and what a horrible shit I am.

I'm not on facebook anymore, but from what I saw before I bailed led me to believe you were very in love and very happy. I just want to tell you how happy that made me. You are a completely incredible person and deserve nothing but the best.

I'm sorry I couldn't be the person who made you that happy. I know I'm not worthy of a woman like you. You're beautiful and smart and committed to the things that make a person worth being a person. I wish I could've been a part of that.

Anyway, all my best. You're unbelievable.

-Weirdly Beardly

Oh, hello! Ok, fine, he didn’t sign it “Weirdly Beardly” (this isn’t a script for a Katherine Heigl movie), but everything else is 100% accurate and true. Sure, in part this email makes me feel tremendously vindicated and I want to silk screen it on a t-shirt and wear it around my neighborhood. But a larger, much more grounded and stronger part of me wants other readers to know that they’re not alone. I get it. It was never about me. All that time I wasted wondering what I could have done to make WB love me was exactly that: wasted.

If anything, it’s nice to be reminded that I’m enough. I’m more than enough --- I’m “unbelievable”. Now I will live the remainder of my life convinced that every guy who ever broke my heart has an email with the Subject: Mea Culpa in their drafts folder just waiting to press Send.

7 comments:

  1. this is seriously a dream email! I would have replied with two words:

    suck it.

    Or better yet, maybe when we've found the one, we should send thank you letters to all our exes.

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  2. Valentina - PERFECT timing for me with this post.

    What an amazing thing for you, too!

    Also, I would reply: suck it.

    ;)

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  3. This guy is an ass. What he just did was give you a very delayed "It's not you, it's me" speech. Classic. He is full of crap. All he is trying to do is ease some lingering guilt. The funniest thing about out assholes is that they are always afraid to be seen as assholes. Good riddance to this particular asshole.

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  4. I love this post! I love the nickname and the email you received. Good for him for understanding what he lost. This is the dream email and I'm just going to assume that all of my exes feel this way:)

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  5. i disagree that wb is an ass for sending that email and that he should get a "suck it" in reply. he should get nothing or a "thank you, i am happy." he knows he lost out and valentina is obviously better off. i don't have ill will toward any exes (except for one that was actually crazy). past relationships never would have worked. timing is a lot and personality is more. everyone's better off in this scenario and everyone, even wb, knows it.

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  6. I also don't think WB was an ass for sending the email, better late than never. BUT I also think it's healthy to have a little ill will towards exes. It's easy to look back on things fondly when you've had the appropriate amount of time to move on or to fall in love with someone else, but why should we let people who truly went about things in a bad way off just b/c we met another guy that was awesome?

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  7. Also, again, he was giving the lame, "It's not you, it's me" speech. That one always makes my eyes roll. It's BS, pure and simple. He's just feeling guilty now, for whatever reason, and he wants to clear his conscience. I'm not deluded enough to think that it isn't ever about me. Of course it is. And when a guy bails, it's because he's not into you. Not because of something about him or something he is dealing with or some childhood fear he can't overcome. If he likes you enough, he'll deal. Really. He will. Sorry, ladies, but it's true. I've had it done to me, and I know it's at least partly about me, if not 100% so! If a guy dumps me or bails on me, it's because he doesn't like me anymore! And that's OK. I can't be everyone's cup o' tea. I'm not going to kid myself into thinking I am!

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