Thursday, March 22, 2012

to procreate or BLOW OFF

Not too long ago, the awesome book club I'm in read the book Super Sad Love Story by Gary Shteyngart. It was supposed to take place in the future and all the characters carried around these crazy computers called äppäräts (think iPads), so that if you were say, in a bar-- you could access stats about everyone around you-- including their "fuckability" and their cholesterol levels. You wouldn't have to ask pertinent questions like "do you have a syphilis?" or "do you want kids?" because all the information you could ever need about that person would be right there. It's a scary thought, but it occurred to me that maybe it would save us the time of getting into pointless relationships. Especially when it comes to the issue of having children.

I know several people who have ultimately ended relationships, because they wanted kids and the other person didn't (or vice versa). And this is after dating for months, even years. Shit. Shouldn't this have been discussed the very first time they occupied space at the same bar or party? If only they had a little computer to tell them to not even bother, they'd be breaking up a year from now over the procreation issue. I don't really understand why people stick it out so long with someone that doesn't want the same things they want. Is it because they think the person will eventually come around or is that they think they can talk themselves out of wanting what the other person doesn't? I had a friend who was with a guy that for various reasons she knew she would never have children with. She used to say that it was fine, because having kids wasn't all that important to her. Eventually, they broke up and when she met someone who did in fact want kids, she was finally able to admit to herself that she'd always wanted them too.

Personally, I want children eventually. I'm going to be old and feeble someday and I need people who I can guilt into taking care of me. Also, if you only live once, I want to experience as much as I can and that includes raising kids. I'm still too selfish for them and I'm having a hard enough time raising a puppy, so for now, my adorable little eggs will have to wait to get fertilized. And if I'm unable to bear children, well those adorable little orphans in some third world country where I can just kidnap them without going through legal channels will have to wait too. The H bomb and I have always been on the same page on the kids issue and I think we had the conversation pretty early in our relationship. (I mean, I don't beat around the bush. Right before I kissed the guy the first time I asked him "do you believe in God?" He said yes, I kissed him anyway.) We've always agreed that we want children, but if for some reason it wasn't in the cards for us, it wouldn't be the end of the world. That's a lie. It kind of would be.

But for those of us that don't like to have those talks right out of the gate (i.e. sane people), what's the next best thing? Here's what I propose. You know how high school kids apparently wear those jelly bracelets to connote all the sexual acts they've done? Well, it's not as fancy as an all-knowing computer, but maybe adults should start sporting them too to tell people where we stand on children, religion, and politics. Think about it. It would make it so much easier to avoid all the annoying people.

Anyway. Here's a BLOW OFF clip from my fave show Parenthood where Mark and Sarah break up over the having kids issue. Tears!

1 comment:

  1. First of all, I love Parenthood and that scene made me want to die.

    Also, I'm the worst because I don't want kids - but if it was really important to the man I ultimately end up with, it's a discussion I'm willing to have because I know I'd be a good mom and will make enough to hire an AWESOME nanny :) Kidding, sort of.

    At your recommendation, Sara, I've been watching TELL ME YOU LOVE ME - and that's a huge issue for one of the couples. Well, two really, if you think about it. I won't ruin it for potential viewers though.