Wednesday, April 4, 2012

it's not just you, it's also your super weird parents

I was dating a guy in New York who has been the topic of several different blog posts. I wasn't that crazy about him. It was definitely one of those "i'm super lonely" relationships. And in my defense, it's probably the only one of those I've had. There were a variety of reasons we had no long term potential, but I was never more sure of that fact than I was when...I met his family.

Let me preface this post by saying they were all very nice people.

Okay, now let's get down to business. The first time I met his parents, he took me to a party at a family friend's house. It was in a small apartment, I think either in Queens or Brooklyn. Everyone was friendly, but it was definitely not the easiest scenario to meet a person's parents in. Things may have been easier if it we had done dinner with them instead. I felt like we were getting pulled in a lot of different directions and it was scary to not only meet his mom and dad for the first time, but all their friends too. In a nutshell, his parents were...weird. Off. Strange. I'm going straight to hell for saying this, but they were the type of people you would see on an episode of Animal Hoarders. Perfectly nice, but with a faraway medicated look in their eyes. You know, like they were still wearing the same clothes they had in the early eighties and that their closets were full of moth balls. I remember his mom would just stare at me mid-conversation, taking a full five or ten seconds to answer questions. There was something about his dad that really pulled at the heart strings. He had the smile of a little kid, but there was also a sadness to him, because he was too obese to be fully mobile. In a strange way, even though I knew that I would never be able to picture our families meeting each other, it did make me more sympathetic to my bf. Even he had described his parents as unwell to me and I knew it must have been hard growing up in their house. Especially since he was twenty-four and just recently moved out for the first time.

The bf also had an older brother who was married and didn't talk to the rest of the family much (probably because they were weird.) He was one of those guys that was virtually adopted by his in-laws. When I met him, he and his wife lived in an apartment connected to her parent's house in Queens. Anyway, her family had this weekly tradition of going out to eat together and one night we were invited to join them. Again, sort of an overwhelming meet and greet scenario. Rather than just meeting his brother and sister-in-law, I was meeting about twenty other family members. They were totally different than his parent's crowd...they were more like people you'd see hanging out with The Real Housewives of New Jersey. I remember the restaurant was so out of the way, we had to take a car service to get us there. The family was loud and boisterous and really liked their gold chains and velour jumpsuits. I felt very out of place until the women at the table learned that I worked for ABC Daytime and I was able to give them a few General Hospital spoilers. (Yes, I had signed a confidentiality agreement with ABC, but I was desperate!) But things got awkward again when I mentioned I couldn't vote, because I wasn't a US citizen at the time and they all laughed and said my bf's brother couldn't vote either--- because he was a convicted felon. I hate to judge them, because they were nice people and Meadow Soprano would have been all up in the brother's grill, but they were a world away from where I was from and the people I'd grown up around.

I guess it's just like Ben F and KCB's break up on The Bachelor. He couldn't see himself spending Christmas at her house. And I certainly couldn't see myself spending Christmas at my bf's house. Especially since his parents, bless their hearts, were probably hoarding dead mice in the stockings. Which would be extra weird since they were Jewish.


  1. Ugh, meeting the parents! I have guy friends who start sweating and trembling at the thought of meeting their girlfriends' parents or even at the thought of their girlfriend meeting their parents.

    I think the worst is when a recent boyfriend said "my mother NEVER likes my girlfriends." I bake a lot and am proud of it and I said "well, I'll bring her baked goods!" to which he responded "no, she bakes and she'll just pick it apart." Blech. Way to make me feel better! I never had to meet her, though, thank god, because she sounds like a nightmare!

  2. moms always feel threatened that their sons will find a woman that cooks better than them. I'm so glad you didn't end up with him, because that woman would have been your mother in law!