Tuesday, April 3, 2012

the revenge BLOW OFF

I was dating this guy. It was sort of an interim thing, but if you have read any of my previous posts you will get that any one I have ever dated has been the love of my life. At the time. Falling in love has always been the main purpose. And uh oh, here I go on another tangent so back to topic. The revenge BLOW OFF. I was dating him, he was dating me, it was exclusive. No doubts or anything, we had discussed it. It had been about six months even. Friends knew we were together, pets knew we were together, the only thing left was the family introductions and we were even in agreement about that! Just a few more months. The dreaded holidays rolled around. How to do them right?

Ok, I was willing to say I was an adult (early 30's) and that it was just plain time I had a Christmas away from the core parental units without any needed explanation. No need to show up on Christmas day to either of our parental households. Just us. Maybe some wayward friends would show up, but that is where the relationship stood and that was A-OK. Cut to 3 days before Christmas. I've purchased, wrapped, and been excited about every well thought out gift. I've done the food shopping, I've bathed the dogs, I've planned every detail and invited all the significant friends. Then I get a text message. "I can't do this. I'm sorry." Yes, that is all.

No answer to the 1800 times I called immediately following my digestion of the message. No response to the incredulous, then angry, then pleading text messages I sent back. Nothing. Not a damned thing until the next day when I went to his house, used my key, arranged all those wonderful Christmas gifts throughout the living room and his bedroom (no, I'm not fucking nuts, or a stalker, or anything but a poorly dumped girlfriend), and then saw him pull up as I was leaving. I was quite proud of my restraint in not destroying anything he owned. Just left him wonderful, thoughtful gifts and a huge guilt trip and was prepared to leave. It was at this point that the 5 hour pleading (and oh so embarrassing portion) of my day began. The explanation of how we actually do belong together, the coercion, the 'I bought you nice gifts so you have to stick with me for a little while at the very least' argument. I even began to believe myself as time went on. I'm not sure how I managed to pull him back in, but by the end of the 'discussion', I had him apologizing for not giving me a proper chance in the relationship and begging me to give him more time.

By this point my plan was set. I didn't love him, not even a little bit. I just wanted him to love me so I could make him feel as shitty has he made me feel. So I held on. I dragged it out. I made it last until March. Not bad considering by the end of December I couldn't stand the sight of him anymore. Just long enough for him to think he really loved me and that we belonged together forever. Long enough to really enjoy what I could of 'You broke up with me in a text message!'. Long enough to become truly sick of him so that when I dumped him, it didn't hurt me even a tiny bit. Apparently I was only in it for the revenge.

11 comments:

  1. That is so hot! I wish i had the power of seduction to do that to every guy that ever blew me off. You're my hero.

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  2. OMG I wish I could be able to do that! That's so great.

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  3. Listen, I get it. You were hurt and wanted to hurt him back. We all have that urge and we all succumb. But why are you sharing it like you're proud? Was what he did shitty? Absolutely! Without a doubt! But how is what you did any less shitty? And sharing it with the world like you're proud? Well that kinda makes it shittier! Do you really want to be the winner in a shitty contest against him? I guess I just don't understand that.

    I wouldn't be comfortable dating you knowing this. I'd rather find out about how you forgave someone that was hard to forgive because I know I can be an asshole at times and I'd like to know whoever I end up with will try not to hold it against me. You should try to find someone that values forgiveness too because you'll be an asshole too.

    I've been broken up with that way. It sucked! And I wanted revenge. I guess this guy learned his lesson. That's the 1 good thing I can take from your story.

    I don't know you. My bet is you're pretty rad. I guess I just don't like the idea that other people may read this and do the same thing. The world has enough pain in it already. It doesn't need our help.

    Maybe I am being self-righteous and an asshole and a prick. I've certainly done my share of shitty things.

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    Replies
    1. Well the good news is that she's not trying to date you, so...

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    2. But Also I think you're partly right. This probably ISN'T Just Sayin's proudest moment. But I applaud her for being honest. Maybe we'll all learn from her!

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  4. I have to stand up for our contributor on this one! I think this post is really brave, really heartbreaking, and really funny. I don't think I'm Just Sayin is condoning what she did (even though i still think it's hot), but I think she's giving an honest account on what we all want to do when we've been seriously hurt by people before. She's kind of a vigilante if you think about it. Maybe she taught that guy a lesson about being careless with other people by breaking up with him. Maybe now, he'll have more empathy the next time he hurts someone and that's not a bad thing. I also don't think she's sharing this b/c she's proud of it or wants to flaunt it. This site offers readers and contributors a venue where they can do the exact opposite-- unload about things they aren't necessarily proud of. I think you're projecting the proud thing based on the first two comments on the post. Tonally, I don't get that from the actual post at all. I also don't think anyone is going to go out of their way to fuck over someone purely from reading a blog post. No one should avoid writing about something purely b/c someone might be impressionable enough to take it too seriously. Also, I'm Just Sayin has been happily married for almost four years. I think it's even braver that she didn't feel the need to throw that in the post. And I learned that she's still friends with the guy this post is about, so I guess we can all forgive and forget.

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  5. In my defense, it wasn't like I planned the entire revenge out in advance..it was more like an unfolding. Also, it sort of happened beyond my control as I was so shocked/hurt by being blown off that some alternate part of me took over. Sort of like an evil split personality bent on balancing the karmic bank account of the relationship. And whether or not I am proud of this moment in my life is not the point here, the point is simply to share things I have been through in the hope that maybe someone, somewhere who might be going through something similar might see it and realize that they aren't alone and that bad things pass. Making light of pain or low moments of my life is just one of the ways I move on.

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  6. What a jerk I've been! Sorry everyone! It's obvious I believe in censorship and that your article has caused people everywhere to begin baiting traps for past lovers! What can I say? I overreacted and assumed the worst. I guess I was under the impression that we were being invited to relish in her revenge but it's obvious now that I don't have the intelligence to see the subtle themes of lost love, courage, hurt, pain and bravery.

    I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

    I guess, like "just sayin is all", "someone, somewhere who might be going through something similar might see it and realize they aren't alone" and then, standing at a crossroads, choose to follow in the footsteps of "just sayin is all". But I guess I didn't consider the fact that if they did they would be a shining example of bravery and courage to us all.

    My bad.

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    Replies
    1. Awwww! You weren't a jerk! I'm glad you posted your original comment, cause i think it encouraged a debate and made us get more insight on the post. Sorry if I was too defensive in my response. Please keep reading and commenting!

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    2. hold up. i can't figure out if you're mea culpa comment is sarcastic. I thought it was sincere, cause i thought these comments came from a girl, but now i think they came from a dude and i feel like maybe they are sarcastic. please enlighten me!

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