Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Rest in Peace: Chivalry

A couple of years ago I went on a date with a guy I met at trivia. He was a bit nerdy but seemed sweet and I have a policy of always trying to say yes, even if it may seem a bit desperate. We set a time to have brunch but on my way there, he called to cancel citing a migraine. I was a little annoyed but he sounded pretty sick so I let it go. I then agreed to meet him for dinner one night after work and even went to his neighborhood, where I parked a few blocks from the restaurant because there was no parking lot. We had a decent date. We kept the conversation going and he paid, which was gentlemanly. There were no sparks and I knew there wouldn’t be a second date and I think he could tell too. When we left the restaurant, he hugged me right outside and then went on his way. This is the part of the story that should offend you.

He didn’t walk me to my car. I mean… this has nothing to do with being a gentleman or anything like that – we live in Los Angeles and it was 10:00pm! I even give my girlfriends rides to their car if they’re parked more than a few feet away – it’s a safety thing! Believe it or not, considering the doofuses I’ve been in relationships with, this is the first time I thought “dealbreaker!!!” I know I said there was no chemistry and he never called me again anyway, but… you walk a girl to her car!

OK, second story. Part of my job involves something I hate and that is called networking or “drinks”. This is a tedious activity in which, after a 12 hour work day, I have to meet up with strangers in my peer group for drinks and ask them a lot about where they went to school and like, what they really want to be when they grow up. I recently met a guy for drinks at a bar near work and the conversation was literally awful. It would have been easier to run a marathon on stilts than get this guy to keep the conversation going. I have never felt more boring in my life. At the end of drinks, he revealed that he lived about a quarter mile away and had walked. Being the nice (and paranoid) person I am, I offered to drive him home because we live in Los Angeles and it was dark (please see previous paragraph).

When we got to his apartment building, I parked and unlocked the car doors and said “well, it was great to meet you! Bye!” And I waited. While he sat there. And so I said, “well, have a good night!” And I waited, while he sat there. I was honestly starting to get worried that he was going to try something horrible but then he just said “Can I take you on a date sometime?” I was so shocked. This is the person who made me feel my most boring EVER. I wanted to say “but you don’t even LIKE me!” but all I could say was “suuuure” because I really, really had to pee and I really, really wanted him to get the eff out of my car. After that, he texted me a few times but eventually got the hint that I was blowing him off. But guys, seriously, don’t ask a girl out that way. It’s really awkward and sets you back.


  1. Sorry ladies, you want equality Chivalry might be the price you pay. Also there is a distinct difference between Chivalry and courtesy. Driving someone to their car is courtesy. The man paying for a first date is a social norm. Chivalry is waiting for a lady to be seated to sit, and rising slightly when she exits. Chivalry is a formality that won't survive in our ever increasingly informal world. Courtesy is a mandatory in a relationship or just in general, but remember courtesy works both ways.

    1. Chivalry is not a proper noun either.

  2. Totally agree with Film Girl. Things like walking a woman to her car, opening doors, waiting for her to sit before sitting yourself, making sure she orders first, letting women off the elevator first, etc. are BASIC acts of politeness that should never die out. Perhaps I'm just proving Film Girl's point though that chivalry is dead because it's now being defined as COMMON SENSE decency instead of things like defending a woman's honor or rescuing a damsel in distress.

  3. i hate when guys say women need to give certain things up in exchange for equality, especially since we still don't get equal pay. imagine if the same were said to other minorities. Bottom line, if I'm cleaning up after your ass, the least you can do is the open the door for me or wait for me to get off the elevator first-- which is also a win-win, because it allows you to stare at my hot ass.

  4. also, one of the less physically attractive guys i dated ALWAYS opened doors for me and would even help me put on my coat on every single date. and he always offered to buy my friends drinks. it made him so much hotter in my eyes.

  5. being a gentleman is so hot. like SO hot.