Thursday, May 24, 2012
the "you're not my mom" BLOW OFF
Posted by saaara
#1 Learn to be alone in the same space. Done. We're good at this. We are both independent-- almost to a fault-- and we can be home at the same time and do our own thing.
#2 He already has a mom. Be his girlfriend, don't mother him and don't nag.
I'll admit it: I sort of suck at this. BUT I also hate it when guys use the whole mom argument. I'm pretty sure they have this secret boy society where they've all decided that any time their girlfriend asks anything of them ever, their best line of defense is responding with "yes, mom." It's kind of genius if you think about it. If I say something like--- "hey, babe. Do you think when you make your protein shakes in the morning you could wipe up the powder that spills everywhere?" All he has to do is say "okay, mommy" and I instantly feel like I'm a horrible nagging typical female. Not fair, men. Not fair.
First of all, there are plenty of domestic pet peeves the H bomb reminds me of. Like, I can forget to ring out the sponge or squeejee the shower or I hang my purse on the doorknob or I clip my nails within hearing distance of him. But how come when he asks me not to do those things, it's not considered nagging? Okay, Bry just peered over my shoulder and read this post and said the difference is that women ask more of men then men ask of women. I'll give him that. It's probably true. But I will say that's because we're very self sufficient. There's just less things they're not getting from us that they need to ask for.
Or maybe it's just the tone of our voice when we make requests? Perhaps we sound a little more condescending or bitchy, because we are in such a state of shock that guys need to even be told to do certain things. Either way, the mommy issue puts us ladies in a bit of a conundrum. There have been times that I want to ask something of the H bomb that I think most people would agree is totally justified, but I panic on the inside about how to say it or when to say it so that he doesn't respond in that "stop nagging me" tone of voice. This is where I should add that I have a very cool mellow husband who is cleaner than most guys and doesn't beat me or anything, but who can still respond in that "you're so annoying" tone every once in awhile.
I'm not sure what the solution is here. On one hand, I do think us ladies need to let more things roll off our back. But the dudes need to stop relying on the "mommy" defense. We get it. You want a girlfriend, not a second mother. Just like we want a man, not a little boy.