Monday, June 4, 2012

the "if I knew then, what I know now" BLOW OFF

my GIRLS back in 2004, NYC.  I'm the one in the black tank top.
Depending on the scene and the episode, the show GIRLS on HBO makes me feel one of two ways.

#1 Super nostalgic for my twenties and the days I lived in New York City.  The days where things like relationships and career were totally uncertain. 

#2 Super happy I am now in my 30s and living in the days where things like relationships and career are all figured out.

If I could invent a time machine, I would totally go back in time to visit my 23 year old self to tell her everything was going to be okay and that there are a ton of fears, insecurities, and boys I should BLOW OFF.  Here are the top ten pieces of advice I would give myself.

10. Write a show called GIRLS about yourself and your friends and sell it to HBO.  Just trust me. 

9.   Don't date the cater-waiter with bad hygiene who doesn't like oysters.  Dating him will just make you feel sadder and lonelier.  You're better off being single.

8.  Stop obsessing over your next door neighbor just because you made out with him once.  He will blow you off and never make out with you again.  And when you find him on Facebook years later and friend request him just for kicks, he won't remember you and then won't add you as a friend. 

7.  Don't be such a bitch to your roommate just because you're not crazy about her boyfriend.  You'll always feel bad about it and part of the reason you don't like him is because you're just jealous you're single.  Plus, in the future she meets this great guy who is perfect for her that you really like. 

6.  You hang out with your sister a lot, but hang out with her even more.  One day, you guys won't live in the same city anymore and you won't be able to just grab drinks or have dinner any night of the week and that will make you really sad. 

5.  Try a few more drugs.  Once you're in your thirties you feel kind of left out that you have no idea what it's like to be high on                          and you'll feel too old and anxious to even try it.  Come on, needles are not that scary. 

4.  You are not slutty enough.   Have a threesome.  Hook up with a girl.  Have a one night stand.  One day it will be too late and you'll be a married prude. 

3.  Don't be so shy about telling people you want to be a writer.  Especially boys that you are dating that are condescending.  One day people will actually pay you to write.  Own it.  Fuck those stupid boys. 

2.  There are about three guys you have the opportunity to sleep with, but you don't out of loyalty for a person who shall remain nameless in Astoria that isn't interested.  What is wrong with you?  Don't let any guy that's not actually your boyfriend cock block you. 

1.  Don't waste so much time crying over the guys that don't want to be your boyfriend.  Yes, some of them are very cute and they know how to banter, BUT that super cute guy that works in your building that you always run into on the L train, but never speak to?  He's totally gonna be your husband. 

1 comment:

  1. The one about seeing your sister got me. It's SO true.

    I actually love this whole post. More than even usual!