Friday, June 22, 2012

R.I.P. Johnny Depp & Vanessa Paradis

I know I'm super late to the party on this one as it's been more than 48 hours since Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis announced their split, but for some reason, this break up left me uninspired.  Don't get me wrong.  It's sad.  They were together for fourteen years which is basically 325 hollywood years.  But I guess I'm just not one of those people that's obsessed with Depp.  I haven't seen any of the Pirates movies.  His hotness quotient just isn't what it used to be back in the Benny & June/What's Eating Gilbert Grape days.  Plus, his fashion sense hasn't evolved since 1993.  Yes, I know.  These are all extremely superficial reasons to not care about his marriage breaking up. 

I think what I'm really hoping for is a Winona Ryder/Johnny Depp reunion.  They were the Robert Pattinson/Kristen Stewart of my generation, except way cooler.  Then Johnny could change his Wino Forever tattoo back to Winona Forever.  And he could help resurrect Winona's career.  Giving her the last laugh against Gwyneth Paltrow.

Here's how I think this should go down.  Tim Burton should decide to do an Edward Scissorhands sequel, bringing the former lovebirds back together.  In the plot of the follow up film, Edward and Kim will be celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary, but we'll discover that Edward's going through this crazy mid-life crisis.  Of course, by the end of the movie, they'll remember why they fell in love in the first place and get back together.  Oh, and in this version, Winona Ryder won't have that terrible blonde hair.  Somewhere in the second act, Edward will enter a rock, paper, scissor competition, but will of course lose because all his opponents keep doing rock.

Is anyone from FOX reading this?  Can you please make this happen ASAP?  Also, I see an Olivier Martinez rebound in Vanessa's future.   



1 comment:

  1. sorry it took so long for me to comment but i really can't talk about it.

    ReplyDelete