Tuesday, July 10, 2012
the crazy wedding addiction & the disappearing divorce stigma
Posted by saaara
The one below came from one of the best bosses I've ever had. Back in high school and college, I worked at the famous Cafe Adria in San Jose, CA. The owner was (and still is) super hot and confident and I think I picked up some great flirting skills by watching her talk to the customers. And she even trusted me to open and close the cafe. In the worst mistake of my career, I once accidentally slept in 'til 8am when I was supposed to open the cafe doors at 6am. Did I mention it was on the same day her live-in boyfriend was moving out of her apartment? Anyway. She was kind enough to share her wisdom on our Why Do People Get Married So Young post. So well said:
Sara, I couldn't agree more! There are a couple of things I'd like to add. Marriage is no longer viewed as a life-long commitment and those who divorce no longer are looked down on or made to feel embarrassed or like a failure. As is the current housing market with foreclosures & short sales; what used to be seen as a huge embarrassment and a personal failure is now viewed as common practice. As much as divorce no longer carries a stigma with it, it sure would be nice to see couples enter into marriage with the hindsight that being in your 30s or 40s can provide. I personally found that marriage is not an answer to anything. My commitment to my partner goes deeper and has more value than any government certificate can provide. But that's a whole different subject.
Another thing I'd like to add is all the ridiculous attention given to brides prior and during the wedding ceremony. Most young women today are starved for attention, and what better way to feed their addiction than by the wedding ceremony itself. The need to feel like a princess outweighs the reality of what it takes to have a successful partnership, when it should be the other way around. I myself congratulate all the couples on their wedding day, because it's the proper thing to do. However, what I really want to say is "best of luck" and give them my sincere congrats once they're able to celebrate their 10-year anniversary. Achieving this is the big accomplishment, unlike the big party sponsored/financed by their parents. It's my opinion that "not for life, but for now" with no consequences for failure makes getting married just another fun thing to do.
We haven't really talked about divorce that much on this site even though it is the ultimate in BLOW OFFs. Mostly because none of our regular contributors have been through it. But I so agree with the above comment: divorce stigma has def decreased over time. I'm sure a lot of people go into a marriage thinking, "if it doesn't work out, we'll just get divorced." I've attended at least five weddings where the couples are no longer together anymore. One of those couples got divorced just a little over a year after the wedding. When the H-bomb and I asked the groom what happened, he said they had some problems they couldn't work out and decided to "cut their losses." I'm not gonna lie, I was a little peeved we made the trip to the wedding.
I also totally agree with the whole starved for attention wedding phenomenon. Even when you try to not get caught up in it, it's so easy to get swept away in all the planning and events leading up to the wedding (guilty as charged). It's the worst. However, maybe sometimes throwing a big wedding and proclaiming your love in front of everyone does raise the commitment stakes-- unless you're Kim Kardashian, you don't necessarily want to spend all that $$ and drag all your friends and family to celebrate, only to file for divorce two months later. A friend once described a wedding to me as a "launch party" and I thought that was a really good analogy.
Maybe like our loyal reader said, weddings should just be small and intimate and the giant "let's celebrate our love" ceremony should come ten years later...if you're still together. What do you guys think? Comment below.