Thursday, July 19, 2012

The My Boyfriend Went To Rehab BLOW OFF, Part 2

For those of you that missed part one of my story, you can click here to get the full enchilada--- or, here are the cliff's notes. Dated a guy, he broke up with me and he went to rehab for the most ridiculous reason ever... RITALIN.  It'd be more respectable if he just wanted to spend a month in Malibu and used rehab as an excuse for vacation. There. We're all caught up.

After excessive amounts of drinking, sobbing, and overanalyzing I finally got over our break up....or as best as we fool ourselves into thinking that we can ever get over a break up. He never called, texted, or emailed after he sent me the initial text that he was "checking in"and I figured I'd never hear from him again. I moved on and dated other people. Even though my heart wasn't really into any of them, at least I was putting myself out there. Fast forward to a little over a year later. I had reached the point a few months prior where I didn't think about him on a regular basis at all. That's how it always starts, right? I get a call from a number I didn't recognize and an area code that was definitely not from California. I never answer numbers that aren't plugged into the contacts on my phone. In fact, I have to routinely go through my phone to delete people's numbers. Nothing makes you feel like a whore like going through your address book on your phone and erasing all of the contacts that start with a guy's first name and instead of a last name listing the club that you met them at. But that's another story. Definitely letting this one go to voicemail I thought. I listen to the message and it's my ex! I was in complete shock. It was basically a "hey it's 'x' call me back message.

I don't remember exactly what he said and I wish I did so I could tell you. There was no urgency in his voice, no I'm on step number nine and need to make amends for how I treated you, nada. But, as I never learn my lesson, after debating for a few hours I called him back as he'd requested. It was pretty anti-climactic. He was talking about what was going on with him and how he had been at another facility in Arizona. Another one? First off why did you leave the first? Did they kick you out because they felt like criminals for taking your money for an addiction to something procured at CVS? I had to stifle my smug thoughts and laughter. He was in sober living...OK...and here's the BEST part...his new job. I assumed that his program forced him to retain some type of employment for the purpose of having structure and a daily routine. He was a Vanderbilt graduate and now...his job was to collect the shopping carts outside of WalMart. I had no idea that was even a job. Yes, maybe part of an employee's job...but the whole thing? $160,000 on an education and you aren't even qualified to work inside the store? He had no history of theft or a criminal record of any kind so there's no reason he should have this specific job. As Johnny Drama from Entourage would say, VICTORY! I totally won. And don't even pretend that there isn't a winner and loser in every break up, because that's bullshit and we all know it.

Sorry about it (to quote him). My life may not be perfect but I'm not in my late twenties with a bachelor's degree pushing shopping carts for minimum wage. Lesson learned...even if someone blows you off, sometimes you're better off. I'm not sure if I actually believed that until I was in this situation, but now I do. Thank you Boy X. From the bottom of my non-drug addicted heart. Namaste.


  1. The world needs its ditch diggers too

  2. I officially declare you the winner of this break up. and i think we should pitch a new game show called "who won the break up"

  3. !!!Best story ever- Sorry about it...