Monday, July 23, 2012

THE when to cut bait BLOW OFF

A lot of things go into deciding whether you should break up with a person. And the longer you've been together and the more time you've already invested in the relationship, the harder you probably want to try to make things work. We at the BLOW OFF are all for that. But if you are contemplating whether you and your significant other need to cut bait-- well, here's a helpful list to go by. If you answer YES to just one of the below questions, then you may want to take a good hard look at things. Please note, I'm not an expert or a therapist. I just a girl with a blog. There's millions of us.

10. When you're having sex with your significant other, do you have a tendency to leave your body and pass the time by contemplating what the fuck is really wrong with Ramona from the Real Housewives of New York?

9. Would you rather get a paper cut on your penis and/or vagina than see your significant other naked?

8. Do you have fantasies about your significant other dying so that people will feel sorry for you AND you can avoid the uncomfortable break up conversation?

7. Are you fucking someone else?

6. When you think of spending the rest of your life with your significant other, do you go temporarily blind and then suffer an epileptic fit while foaming at the mouth?

5. Your phone rings. It's your significant other calling. Is the ring tone the song You Can Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac?

4. Whenever you wish upon a star, blow on a dandelion, or throw a penny in a fountain...do you wish that your significant other will get the hint and break up with you?

3. Are you currently sending bribes to your significant other's boss so that they will transfer him to their corporate offices across the country so that you can use the whole "long distance relationships don't work" excuse?

2. Are you seriously considering converting to Scientology so you can "disconnect" from your significant other...even if means living the rest of your days as a sea org on some cruise ship in the Caribbean?

1. As you read this, are you sneaking Ricin into your pasta sauce so you can poison your significant other and make their death look like an accident so people will feel sorry for you AND you can avoid the uncomfortable break up conversation?

3 comments:

  1. ha! love this. although, really, WTF is wrong with Ramona?

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  2. should your spouse be worried? ;)

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  3. Hahaha, no! He is in no danger I promise. Ramona is an insane person! Are all the ladies pretending to like her??

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