Monday, July 9, 2012

the "you kissed my sister" BLOW OFF

Um, this is pretty much one of my best BLOW OFF stories, but I've never posted it in detail mostly because as you can tell from the title-- it involves my sister.  But now it's all water under the bridge and one of our favorite things to laugh about, so with her permission: I'm posting this shit.

Before I do, I'd like to preface it by saying, my sister is the best sister in the world.  Seriously, folks.  She's amaze-balls.  We have been through everything together.  And she's helped me through every single one of my break ups.  Not to mention, the girl partied 'til the wee hours of the night at my bachelorette party even though she was 8 months pregnant.  That's love and devotion.  My sister and I are two peas in a pod.  We sound exactly alike.  We share a lot of the same good qualities and a lot of the same bad ones.  She's taken care of me all my life.  Basically, not to brag-- but if we had our own reality show, Oprah would be interviewing us and NOT the Kardashians.  But like all sisters we do fight and this BLOW OFF is about the biggest fight we've ever had.

It all took place when we were both living in New York.  We were out on the town one night and my sister's old roommate brought her high school friend along (let's call him DEVON) and he was tall and goofy and sarcastic, so of course I developed a crush.  Plus, he was really forward and kept talking about my booty-- which in the overall scheme of things kind of cured my big butt complex.  He had recently moved to New York and after that night we all hung out again a few times.   Here's an example of what I like to call "Devon's got game".  Devon, totally straight-faced, tells my sister "I want to bang your little sister."  It's the kind of crass language us ladies secretly LOVE.  Plus, when you've lived your whole life in the "cute" category, this kind of attention is about as rare as unicorns.

I don't know how much time passed between him making his intentions clear and the first time we made out.  But somewhere along the way, Devon and my sister ended up becoming really good friends.  And I think they both developed crushes on each other they never told me about.  Devon and I hooked up for what would be the last time after my sister's going away party (she was moving back to California).  At this point, I wasn't really feeling things with him.  A few nights later, I go out for drinks with my sister and she tells me she just heard that Devon got fired from his job (or quit?) and was leaving NY (or did I tell her, can't remember?).   That's when I told her about our final hook up post-going away party and she confesses that AT her going away party--- while I was in the bathroom or something-- Devon kissed her.

In hindsight, I totally overreacted.  I stormed out of the bar and immediately called him and left him a voicemail message that just said "I can't believe you kissed my sister!"  He called me a couple times to apologize, but I never answered or called him back.  It took me about three days to completely forgive my sister on her last day in New York.  I've never seen my sis feel so bad about anything and looking back on it, I wish I didn't give her such a hard time.  But I'm sort of glad it happened, because for whatever reason, we think it's really funny. Especially when years later, I got this friend request from DEVON.  And now we're totally Facebook besties.  Even though I will NEVER forgive him for kissing my sister.:


  1. This is a hilarious story. I'd have been just as mad as you were, but probably would have stayed that way a bit longer. :-P

    The thought of kissing someone my sister has kissed (or vice versa) seriously skeeves me out. My sister is pretty much my polar opposite though, in terms of both looks and personality, so we tend to attract very opposite types of men.

    There are quite a few movies dealing with the "you slept with my sister" issue (The Family Stone, America's Sweethearts and In Her Shoes come to mind) and it kind of befuddles me. Kissing is one thing, but I cannot imagine a situation where sleeping with my sister wouldn't be a complete deal breaker for me...

  2. hoes be creepin....

  3. "Devon"July 10, 2012 at 2:52 PM

    Yup, that's pretty much what happened, wish I could say anything in my defense on this one. Me and your sis were hanging out a lot, and "Goodbye" turned into drunken nom nom nom. It was innocent tho.
    I always wondered if it would have been better if I had told you later that night/morning. Perhaps when we were watching Laguna Beach? Don't suppose.
    Glad to hear it helped with some body issues. I really did love that ass.

    1. Ugh, why do you have to be so funny. I forgot about Laguna Beach and egg sandwiches from that dog on park place or something. Also, I'm a married woman now so you can't talk about my ass like that on the internet.

  4. this has modern day three's company written all over it. or maybe big love? i'm confused.

    rhymes with DEVON, the persian mafia is still looking for you.

    sister you being mad at me for those three days felt like an eternity, it felt like being stuck in a room with nails on a chalkboard with constant gum chewing/snapping.

    LOTP - PEACE. Love you.

  5. OMG. sister, you crack me up. I will never get mad at you that bad again, unless you kiss bryon. or mabel. Do not kiss mabel. LOTP 4 LIFE! Sigh, I do miss our single 20something NY days. Let's find a time machine, stat!