Monday, August 20, 2012

i love you sluts

I recently heard through mutual friends (Lainey Gossip) that pop star Taylor Swift bought a house in Cape Cod...across the street from her new bf's house...Conor Kennedy (Grandson of Bobby Kennedy.) Well, it's not really his house, it's his family's house. Apparently, Conor and Taylor have been dating all summer. Which, I'm sorry, is not long enough to buy a house across the street from your eighteen year old boyfriend who is still in high school. But I know Taylor's type. She's totally an I love you slut.

We've all had an "i love you slut" in our lives. They are usually female, but in rare cases their are also men who suffer from the disorder. These are people who are way too intense about every relationship they're in. Usually after two dates, they claim they have a super strong connection with their newly minted significant other. We're all supposed to smile and play along, even though they acted exactly the same way about the last three guys they dated. They say I love you way too quickly and then act all shocked and dismayed when the relationship comes to a premature end. Once it's over, they even blame the break up on the crazy passionate feelings they had for each other...that inevitably scared the guy away.

I love you sluts need to seriously chill out. They need to stop acting like every person they meet was carved out of a blob of human flesh by the hands of God personally for them. They need to retire words like "intense", "passionate", "connection", "fate", and "never felt this way before" from their vernacular. Most of all, on the day they fall madly, madly, in love they should really consider marking their calendars for six months in the future-- which is how long they should wait before they gush to their friends and family if they expect any of us to take them seriously.

I'm not saying they shouldn't feel the things they're feeling. More power to them for not being bitter, cynical, and terrified of jinxing their relationships. I'm just saying they should go out and buy a diary and write their feelings down on paper and spare the rest of us.

P.S. to everyone that reads this blog: I fucking love you.

1 comment:

  1. Way back in high school I went to prom with a guy I hadn't seen in 3 years, as we went to different schools. Two weeks after prom he told me he loved me...via IM. I have not seem him since prom.