Monday, August 6, 2012

the "I followed a boy" BLOW OFF

Even though sequels are usually a terrible idea, I sometimes wish there would have been a Good Will Hunting, part 2 so we could see what happened after Will followed Skyler to California.  Would things have worked out between them?  Would he have been back in Southie in six months?  Would it all have been a giant gamble for nothing?  Would Robin Williams have pulled him into a tight embrace, while repeating "it's not your fault" over and over again?  Get on it, Affleck! 

I kind of love relationships where one person moves all the way across the country or the world to be with their significant other. There's something super romantic about the notion of loving someone so much, you're willing to change your life/hopes/dreams completely to be with them.  I've never followed a boy anywhere.  Or stayed in the same place for a boy. Not because I didn't want to, but because they never asked.  It took meeting the right guy to have one of those *I'm moving to be with you* romances.  The H-to the-Usband moved from New York to LA, after a year of us being long distance.  Yes, he technically moved out here to be with me, but he also moved out here for a job which in some ways was a nice safety net for both of us in case we didn't work out.  Moving across country to be together puts a lot of pressure on both parties.  I mean, remember when Mr. Big told Carrie not to move to Paris for him?

I think when the husband moved to LA, we both knew people would have secretly laughed at us if we broke up right after going to such great lengths to be together.  Even if that was just tucked away in the back of our minds, it did motivate us to work through the little stuff.

But following a significant other doesn't always pan out.  A good friend of mine and old next door neighbor in New York City decided to move to Manhattan with his boyfriend after the bf got a job there.  After the cross country drive from hell, they finally arrived in New York City...and his boyfriend dumped him days later.  It's honestly one of the worst break up stories ever, but luckily he's now happily married and living in Toronto with his husband (who followed him there from Israel.)  

Making the decision to leave your friends, family, and job behind for one person is a huge gamble and yes, it doesn't always pay off.  And there's even a little bit of a stigma attached to it, especially for women these days.  It seems a little 1950s-ish if we decide to follow a boy.  But I don't see it that way.  People move all the time for jobs.  Isn't it way more meaningful to move for someone you love?  No?  I guess we can always just pretend we're moving for ourselves...


  1. Dude, Felicity.

    1. YES that's what I was thinking the whole time.

  2. omg, how could I forget??

  3. I have a co-worker who, right this minute, is going through heartache because her cross country move to be with her beau fell apart so it was super strange to see this post this morning. It's terrible and it's heartbreaking and I'm so sad for her.

    That aside, I think it's incredibly hopeful, brave and romantic to move to be with someone. Why not? I don't think it's a sign of weakness or 1950s-ness but there is an opinion out there, in the ether that kind of quietly shames women into thinking they're less independent if they make a move for love. To me, it's just as important and valid a choice as anyone who moves for a job or other life reasons.

    I, personally, haven't moved for anyone but I haven't been in the kind of relationship where that was a factor. And while I'm increasingly settled in my new hometown, who knows what I'd be willing to do for love?

  4. I dated a Brit for 4 years. It was always the understanding that he would move here but I was always willing to go there because he had a better job than me. I did move there for 6 months just to test it out and loved it and don't regret the choice one bit. We ended up breaking up a couple years after that(shockingly not because of distance, just because of timing) and are now friends. The other day he told me he would most likely be moving to LA (where I live) in a couple years to start a business with his brother. After ALL we went through he's going to end up in my 'hood?! I told him if that actually happened I'd meet him at LAX to punch him in the throat.