Thursday, August 30, 2012

time heals all BLOW OFFS

My M.O. during all my break-ups or almost-relationships that didn't pan out was this response:

WE CAN NEVER SPEAK AGAIN.

I never had any interest in staying friends with people I dated, especially if I felt like they'd wronged me. Telling someone I never wanted to talk to them again felt appropriately dramatic and finite. And it also usually freaked guys out. Dudes are indecisive. They like the door to always be open for them in case they change their mind about you. So...slamming the door in their face tends to make them panic. And that's probably the main reason I did it.

But now, it's been 8+ years since my last real break up and I feel like I could throw a party and invite all my ex-whatevers and it would be no big thing. I don't have a whole lot of ill will (okay, maybe only against one of them). But time really does heal all BLOW OFFS. And so does Facebook. Seriously. If I can wish a guy that's seen me naked and then decided he didn't want to see me naked anymore, "happy birthday" via their Facebook wall, well then, I can pretty much mend fences with anyone.  (Step it up, Israel and Palestine.)

And I don't believe in that whole terrible theory that it takes women twice as long as the relationship lasted to get over a person. Bitch, please. Us females are a lot more resilient than we get credit for.  All we really need to get distance from the situation is some regular hot action.

So...if you're feeling like you're totally over someone, but you're still a little bit curious about them-- why not make today the day that you reach out?  Just make sure to brag to them about how wonderful your life is and how little they ended up meaning to you in the overall scheme of things.

5 comments:

  1. i agree and disagree with this as a whole. if you don't want to be with me romantically you don't deserve my friendship while you get to go out and screw other people. i think that time does heal all blow offs but i also think that reaching out can sometimes be dangerous- at least for me. it can bring up old feelings that i thought were gone after we've spoken/interacted and confuse me. while i think that a hello in passing if you happen to run into them is innocuous i feel like i've been burned multiple times by the "reaching out", although in my cases i probably fooled myself into thinking that i was over them before i was. but in all cases brag, brag, brag!!!!

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  2. oh, totally. If there's even an inkling that you'll reach out and they'll confess their undying love for you-- then don't do it, cause there are still feelings there. Also, is it sick that i could kind of relate to rihanna when she admitted she still gets a belly flip feeling when she sees Chris Brown in that Oprah interview? I mean, the whole physical abuse thing aside-- i think there are always guys we'll get a little weak in the knees around no matter how much time goes by. that's what always happened to carrie anyway when she ran into Mr Big.

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  3. not sick, normal. i always wonder though if those guys that always make us go a little weak are the ones we are meant to end up with a la mr big or if they will always just be a test of our strength and self worth.

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  4. Facebook? Really? That's SUCH a false connection, as is all social networking if you don't actually SPEAK to that person in a one-on-one manner. Social networking is the easy way out, a way to make you feel like you are connected when you haven't actually spoken to someone in an intimate way in years. You're NOT really friends with someone if all you ever do is wish them happy birthday on their overcrowded FB wall but never have an actual one-on-one conversation or email exchange or what have you. It saddens me what people consider "friendship" these days. FB -- if you have no other contact with said person, including an email SPECIFICALLY meant for that person -- certainly isn't it. And, by the way, have you been following the IPO debacle that was/is Facebook, and the plummeting of its stock? That's what I feel FB and its ilk have done to the concept of friendship -- made it plummet. Oh, the humanity. Or lack thereof.

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    1. Well-- that was kind of the joke of the statement: if the level of contact with an ex I can handle is just writing happy birthday on their facebook wall, then clearly i'm not actually all that comfortable with being real life friends with them. But I don't necessarily agree that social networking is a false connection. In fact, I think people that are super anti-facebook are the same people that at one point or another thought it was super smart and hip to be anti-TV. obviously a friendship on facebook doesn't replace the kind of relationship where you get to spend time with a person regularly but we don't have that luxury with all the people we love in the world. any time people go on diatribes about how toxic facebook is i think of Thomas Ohlson.
      http://www.als.net/Media/5388/News/

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