Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Blake Lively & Ryan Reynolds: an analysis

Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds got married over the weekend after dating for nearly a year...just fourteen months after his divorce to Scarlett Johansson was final.  Here's my psycho-analysis of the situation.

A.  Ryan Reynolds.  A lot of people say Ryan Reynolds just doesn't do it for them.  I am not one of those people.  He's got good hair, brown eyes, a chiseled face, and a nice body.  His acting skills are average at best, but to me that just makes him a little more human.  Plus, he's really funny.  Have you seen Just Friends?  And he's Canadian which means he's nicer than the average guy.

B. Blake Lively.  I have been known to call Blake Lively one of the prettiest people ever.  I have thought so since Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.  This is a controversial thing to say, especially since she's a white blonde girl that's really skinny.  But it's just how I feel.  If I could walk around in her outfits and have her legs for just one day, my self esteem would never be the same again.  The girl dresses well and is besties with Christian Louboutin which means she gets all the best shoes for life.  Blake Lively's acting skills make Ryan Reynolds look like Daniel Day Lewis.  I mean, fine, everyone says she's good in the Pippa whatever movie, but I think like most gorgeous people, we are holding her to a much lower bar than say Gabourey Sidibe.

Their relationship history:

A. Ryan Reynolds was engaged to Alanis Morissette, but then broke her heart into a million pieces when he broke up with her.  She's a little older than him and I'm guessing was too assertive and direct about what she wanted.  Then, four years ago he married Scarlett Johansson when she was just twenty-three years old (he was 31 at the time.)  ScarJo totally broke his heart when she filed for divorce and started dating Sean Penn.  Reynolds was linked to Charlize Theron for awhile, but Blake Lively was the first person he seriously dated since his divorce.

B. Blake Lively dated her Gossip Girl co-star Penn Badgley for a long time until she looked in the mirror, realized she was super hot, and decided to fuck her way through Hollywood.  She briefly dated Ryan Gosling.  Then, she had a steamy European vacation love affair with Leonardo Dicaprio who she allegedly dumped when Ryan Reynolds became available.  I repeat: she dumped Leonardo Dicaprio.

When you look at all the evidence, Ryan Reynolds may have made a huge mistake once again.  Here's why: he's opted for women 8-10 years his junior.  With ScarJo, he got someone younger and hotter than Alanis, but she still wore the pants in the relationship...and she didn't want to be tied down.  He was heartbroken.  Lively was his even younger, arguably just as hot, rebound.  And she's a girl that likes to bake and eat ice cream and ride bikes and walk his dog in high heels.  I don't think there's much she ever complains about or holds him accountable for.  Thus, Reynolds totes wears the pants in this relationship. All sounds great so far...

Now, Blake Lively has never really seriously had her heartbroken (okay, maybe a little bit by Ryan Gosling), which means that she's not terrified by the notion of being single and playing the field.  Relationships have generally always worked out for her.  But she's also the type of girl that's lived a very fabulous life and still comes from a tight-knit family which means...she's not terrified at the prospect of motherhood or monogamy the way ScarJo probably was.  I mean, there's a 99% chance there's a lima bean sized baby in her uterus as I type this.

Here's where things get complicated:

SHE'S TWENTY-FIVE AND FAMOUS.

Do you think in three years she's going to be happy when she's toting around a three year old and Ryan Reynolds is off in South Africa shooting Safe House 3 which for now some reason stars Sandra Bullock?  NO.  She's going to want some excitement back in her life and she's going to want it in the form of a co-star or actor-slash-director.  All I'm saying is that Ryan Reynolds better watch his back if Ben Affleck ever becomes a free agent.

But seriously, I wish those kids the best.  And like, really...I don't care about this stuff.


8 comments:

  1. So much response to this.

    1) Does ANYBODY know who did Blake's nose job? I know most people that read this are LA based and I would be forever grateful. This is one of Hollywood's best kept secrets and I have tried to bribe industry insiders for years for the info to no avail. So please please, help a girl out!

    2) Saaara, you know I'm obsessed with you but I have to question 1 of your facts. I'm an avid blind item reader mostly CDAN & Blind Gossip. As they have had most of their items turn out to be true (especially most recently telling us abt Amy Poehler & Will Arnett's divorce about a week before the story broke), I have to say that I tend to rely on their info. I remember them saying that Leo broke up w/ Blake. He brought her to dinner one night w/ his beloved Mom and she couldn't stop talking about herself and how she was the new face of Chanel at the time and apparently Leo's Mamacita was not having any of it and suggested he end things. That's just what I recall from the time. So it's possible perhaps she was heartbroken...altho there's no way she couldn't have realized he wouldn't dump her for a model at some point, right?

    3) I agree w/ you about Ryan. He's like the classy non-statutory rapist version of Wilmer Valderamma- he likes 'em young. I also read on CDAN he likes a woman who will kinda give up her career for him and I can see Blake doing that esp now that GG is ending.

    But I'm with you and I hope that it works for them. I'm hoping that at some point a pic of the Marchesa dress and bridesmaids dresses will surface. And remember, her sister is Teen Witch so anything is possible.

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  2. you could totally be right! I follow the gospel that is Lainey Gossip which is where I read that she dumped him because he wanted to get serious and she wasn't ready. But it makes just as much sense that she got hurt and went running straight into Ryan Reynold's naked body.
    http://laineygossip.com/Articles/Details/21480/Blake-less-than-Biel

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  3. That is crazy. I think there's definitely a lot of fame whore in her.

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  4. Why do people get married so young? They are all publicity whores.

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  5. Seriously-- i mean with their schedules too, it would have had to take a little bit of time and planning for the actual wedding which means they probably dated six-eight months before decided to get hitched. I feel like celebrities get married fast because they are afraid if they don't, their significant other will fall in love with their next co-star. You have to seal the deal quickly in famous land.

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  6. You were wrong...

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  7. Although,I really wonder why she married Ryan Reynolds if the reason she dumped Leo is because she´s not ready for marriage?

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