Monday, September 10, 2012

My Ex-Boyfriend Got Engaged

You know what would suck about being a celebrity? The swag? No. The money? Fuck no. The access to the most luxurious vacations on the planet? Hardly. I've always thought that the worst thing about being famous would be that you wouldn't be able to live in denial about what your now exes are up to. You go to the grocery store to pick up milk and you can see your ex sucking face with his younger girlfriend on the cover of a tabloid while you decide between Sweet Mint or WildBerry Remix Orbit gum. Well, thanks to Facebook, and their lovely new status notifications on the right side, you are more than able to see when your ex moves on without the perk of everything from Chanel's new winter line.

This happened to me over the weekend and my reaction surprised me. Log on and boom: Your Ex is ENGAGED to Some Other Ho. I'll give you a brief synopsis by saying this ex was the love of my life up to this point. He's not the love of my life, but until now he's the only person that I've dated that fits the title. He was the person that made me love someone more than myself and truly be selfless- which if you knew what a materialistic bitch I am in real life, would hold much more weight for you. This is someone that had openly told me that he wanted to marry me and would always say "together forever". In fact, through no fault of my own when I was going on my routine rummage of his things (we lived together) I found a card he bought me for our last anniversary that said "For My Wife". Although when the occasion actually rolled around and I didn't receive it that should have been a hint. Regardless I was first in line for the position of fiance.

So when I saw the lovely news in my newsfeed my reaction wasn't what I expected. I always thought that my mental state would be a mixture of Alanis Morissette's "You Outta Know" and every Adele song off 21. But I was surprisingly calm. Bizarre, yet calm. I won't lie, I think the fact that objectively I look like Brooklyn Decker compared to his new fiance helped, but I felt oddly at peace. That part of my life was officially closed. Not that it hadn't been since our break-up was extremely nasty and also a few years ago, but it was officially cemented. I felt like I was free in a way and even hopeful. Who will I marry, I wondered. I'm still at the beginning part of my career which could possibly take me anywhere, who knows? I'm not sure if I'm more mature or if time really does heal all wounds. But regardless, I'm proud of myself. I would never say it to him, but I even for a brief second thought "congratulations" and "good luck to them."

So sometimes the fear of something or an event really is worse than it actually happening. And also we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for. And at the very least, you're probably hotter than the new guy/girl.

4 comments:

  1. Eh. Why are you even FB friends with someone you had a nasty breakup with? Move on and friend, sistah!

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  2. Seriously, Facebook does make us feel a little of a celebrity pain without all the perks. I mean, sometimes I feel like i can't even wear certain outfits cause pics of me in that outfit are on Facebook. I think it's awesome that you ended up not feeling that bummed about the engagement and YES-- it is a major victory that the girl is not as cute or cool as you. is it bad that i still hope they get divorced?

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  3. How did you do to take it easy? I am going through that experience now and my reaction was "sadness". I guess I thought he could change and we could try it again in the future. It is hard to be told you can't have him. I guess it's, it's just nice knowing that you could, some day, have him again under better circumstances. But now, all of a sudden, that door is closed.

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