Monday, September 17, 2012

When Is It Time To Move On?

It's not over until the fat lady sings, right?  Well, living in LA unless you're considering 135lbs fat, there won't be any sign that things have actually come to an end.  So how do you know when it's time to cut ties and say sayonara or when to pursue a potential relationship?  Once again, I blame the entertainment industry.  How many movies and TV shows have scenes with the heroine saying "Well, I guess he's just not that into me, and even though I really like him, I haven't heard from him in a few weeks, so I should just calmly move on."  NEVER.  We always see a Carrie Bradshaw-esq character devising some plan to manipulate the situation to get the outcome that she wants.  And as it is entertainment, the character usually does get exactly what he/she wants.

In real life it isn't so easy.  If we are pursuing our dream job, our parents and various quotes on Pintrest and Twitter tell us that if we dream it, it's possible and to never give up.  Unfortunately it doesn't work that way in love.  We live in a world where the phone call is dead.  Men ask women out (and follow up) via texting, Facebook which makes it easy for them to just phase you out.  Sometimes they just stop texting.  No reason, no inciting incident, they just stop.  Sure, there is probably a reason but it's unbeknownst to us.  But when is it time to let go and when is it time for the full court press?

I know what you're thinking- they're probably seeing someone else.  In some cases that's definitely true but there is definitely more than one explanation.  Perhaps they weren't sure that you were into them and instead of potentially getting hurt they decided to bail.  Or something could be going on at work, or dozens of other reasons.  So here's the question...when you stop hearing from them, if you like them, when do you reach out to put that final effort in and when do you move on?  I personally think that if you want to reach out, do it.  You won't ever live with the "what if I had just said something" feeling. There's never any harm in being honest and saying that you enjoyed spending time with someone.  Obviously it goes without saying that when you reach out you need to be sincere and not a psycho chick.  But even if your gesture goes unanswered (as mine did) I know that I put myself out there and now I can move on with no regrets.  But I'm also 28 and single, so please use with caution.  When do you say goodbye and move on?

1 comment:

  1. I think this question can be asked in many situations, including with friendships. For example, if a friend of many years drops off the face of the earth and simply stops speaking to you, but you know they are alive and well because they are speaking to others, how many times should you reach out before you finally just give up? Does reaching out make you look desperate or is it an honest/communicative move that says "I care"? And how jerky is it for someone to "phase out" a friend of many years with no explanation? Should we give that person the "respect" of having the right to not speak to us again, or should we "demand" an explanation? It's a tough call...