Wednesday, October 10, 2012

At least you're not these chicks.

We live in a time where it's not all that socially acceptable anymore for women to become weepy crazy messes over the end of a relationship.  We have to be strong.  We have to be sane.  We don't need a guy to keep us fulfilled and that means we shouldn't yell, snoop through their email after the break up, or write nasty things on their Facebook wall.

But sometimes, we slip.  We make that call we shouldn't.  Or write that email.  Or drive by his house.  On top of losing our minds about a dude, we also feel guilty for being weak.  What would our friends think if they knew we were this upset and that we would take the guy back at the drop of a hat if he wanted us?  Well, if you're going through a weak or crazy phase and you're kicking yourself for it-- allow me to cheer you up.  At least you're not any of these women.  Unless you are.  In that case, I can't help you.

The chick that's pregnant with Van Der Sloot's baby.  Yes, apparently while the killer of Natalie Holloway and Stephany Flores was in jail, he got some girl pregnant during an unsupervised visit.  What kind of person has sex with a guy who has killed at least two women and is in prison?!  He's a serial killer.  Why would you even have an unsupervised visit with him?!  His lawyer denies the pregnancy, but I think it's totally real.

Rihanna and/or Karreuche Tran: Otherwise known as Chris Brown's goddesses.  On the Rihanna front, it just goes to show that you can have a ton of money, a ton of success, your pick of the litter when it comes to men and you are still going to go back to the guy that nearly beat you to death.  On the Karreuche front, it just goes to show a girl will date anyone that's famous-- even if the guy is a notorious girlfriend beater.  Um, red flag.

Osama Bin Laden's wives: To be fair, maybe they didn't exactly have a choice when it came to marrying him BUT one of them nearly died in an effort to save his life from Navy Seals.  How you could be with someone that has multiple wives and masterminded the deaths of thousands of innocent people...come on, ladies!  You're better than that!

That astronaut lady that wanted to kidnap her ex's new girlfriend and drove cross country with a diaper on so she wouldn't even have to stop to pee.  We give her props for her commitment to the cause, but if he's moved on to someone else and you're driving around in a diaper-- it's like handing him the "You won the break up" plaque on a silver platter.

Gayle Haggard: Sure, sometimes it's good to stand by your significant other and when you get married you take vows, blah blah blah blah.  But if your husband is a pastor who confesses to you he's been doing meth and fucking other men, then maybe you should know when to walk away.  At least she got a book deal out of it.

Oh, and just to be fair-- women aren't the only crazies out there.  I've known plenty of guys that have lost their shit after a break up or have gotten back together with someone that screwed them over, because they were too weak to walk away.  So, in the spirit of that at least you're not... Robert Pattinson.





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