Wednesday, October 3, 2012

The Idea vs. Reality

I know virtually nothing about cool music.  I've never been to Coachella because I don't know any of the bands and it would be a waste of money.  But last night I had to go to a concert for a band that most normal people have heard of (and really like) and are big but are apparently about to become huge.  Even though I hadn't heard their music prior to the concert I really enjoyed it, and noticed that the lead singer was very attractive.  There's just something about a guy with a guitar that sings that amps up the attractiveness of someone you wouldn't even notice on the street, am I right?  There is a point here, I promise.  I immediately hopped on my iPhone to see if he was married and alas, he is...and has a child.  But it got me thinking about relationships.

Yes, he is married but his real love is probably the band and his music.  He, and many other artists sacrifice almost everything for their art and to make it. They are constantly writing or touring or in the studio trying to record a hit song. The same goes for high powered people in the financial world and in almost every other industry.  So when we fantasize that we want the high-powered attorney or a rock star or a famous novelist, is that really what we want?  Or do we want the idea of being with someone like them?

The reality most likely is that people that are extremely successful in their field put their work first.  It's not to say that they aren't in love with their partner, but their first commitment is to their job.  They aren't always home for dinner or miss important occasions due to work obligations, or are just rarely around.  Success is a turn on, but when the job is extremely demanding, are you sacrificing an actual partner for what they do? What do you have to give up to have a significant other that's successful?  When does it cross the line from being a job to becoming a lifestyle?  I remember once hearing a story of an agent that was rolling calls in the delivery room while his wife was giving birth and I remember thinking that would never fly with me.

So is it the fantasy of having this person as your mate (and what it says about you that they chose to be with you) or do we really want the ambitious, tenacious person to be our one and only?  You'd think that there's some kind of balance but unfortunately there usually isn't.  There isn't much of a middle ground in our society, and if you do want the person who's at the top of their game, would you settle for someone who isn't?  This is something I've been struggling with a lot recently.  So the question is, what do you really want?  The idea or the reality.  The jury's out for me.  What about you?

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