Monday, October 1, 2012

what's the worst thing about being single?

This post is for all of you loyal readers who are in relationships, while struggling with the whole "grass is greener" conundrum.  Sure, you were lonely when you were single-- but you had more time on your hands.  You didn't have to go to his friends' weddings or his holiday parties.  You could flirt with guys in bars and not feel guilty about it.  Those were the good old days.

No, not really.

I'm quickly approaching year seven of my relationship and it occurred to me that since I've reached adulthood, I've spent more time in relationship(s) than I've spent single.  Here's the actual tally:

Time spent in relationships: 8 years, five months
Time spent single: 5 years, seven months.

There was a period of time (roughly 2001-2004) that I thought I was destined to be the eternally single girl.  One of those chicks from the first act of a romantic-comedy that has a kick ass career but can't admit to anyone that she needs more than 1,000 thread-count sheets to keep her warm at night.  Much of what occurred in that time span has given me enough material to keep this blog alive for the past three years (with the help of our amazing contributors of course.)  But now that I'm married, it turns out I'm an "eternally in a relationship girl"....who still has a single girl living inside of her, rolling her eyes at that sentence. 

BUT for once, I'm going to fight the urge to wax poetic about my single days.  And if you're in a relationship, you should too.  First off, commiserating about our singles days is kind of a low blow to the people we're with.  (full disclosure: I have been known to mumble that I miss living alone when being married gets the best of me).  Also, it's kind of insulting to our friends that are tired of being single.  How annoying must it be to listen to us bitch about how hard it is to be in a relationship?  

In the words of Andy Cohen, here's what: being single can suck.  And ever since the advent of Sex and the City, it's become sacrilegious to admit that.   So, I'll be honest.  I much prefer being in a relationship.  And I'll confess my least favorite thing about being single.... the nights I had no one to fall asleep to-- meaning, no guy to fantasize about at the very end of my day.  It was the "no prospects" stage of being single.  Nothing made me feel lonelier.  I hated it so much that I had to invent question mark guy, who actually helped me get through a lot of sad nights.

Okay, your turn readers.  Whether you're single or in a relationship, admit it: what do you think is/was the WORST thing about being single?  Comment below!

PS next week, we can vent about all the things that suck about being in a relationship.  I promise. 

15 comments:

  1. I hate being single...actually, with every passing year that I stay single, I resent men even more for allowing me to stay on the market. Does that even make sense?! With that said, The worst part about being single is the fact that Im the only single person in my group....literally. To top it off all the couples have been together for ages, so at events its like hanging out with my 6 best friends and my 6 inherited brothers. I am definitely living through the "destined to be the enternally single girl" years as we speak...

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    1. I went through a period of time in a relationship where i was considering ending it and i think one of the main things that scared me about a break up is that every single one of my friends was in a relationship. I totally agree with you on that being one of the worst things.

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  2. i love this post. Totally relate, i seem to remember all the exiting and interesting parts of being single...but if i am honest 80 percent of it was the worst feelings of lonliness and this feeling of not being good enough for a boyfriend... i would look at every girl in a relationship and wonder how she was good enough and i wasn't... i never feel that way anymore and i need to remember that....

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  3. Great post! I agree with Andy Cohen – Being single sucks. Loneliness is the worst part. It isn’t that I can’t do things on my own. I can, and I do. It’s that I don’t WANT to have to do everything alone. Coming home to an empty house is lonely. I love my dog more than anything and when I get home he is showered with love and attention, but the conversation tends to be one sided.

    Then there is the annoying part... the judgment and the questions. “You’re so smart, pretty, successful (fill in the blank), how are you single?” So, basically you're telling me there is something wrong with me or I wouldn’t be single? Thanks, but I don’t need your sympathy. There is nothing wrong with me. I just haven’t met the right person.

    To all the married people who say the grass is always greener here is my response to you. Let’s remove your husband and children (if you have them) from your life. Not for a day, not for a weekend, but forever. Now picture your life. Is it better? (if so, time for marriage counseling)

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    1. First of all, how great are dogs? I got a dog last year and i think sometimes i'm way sweeter to her than most people! I will say that when people said things to me like "how are you still single" i kind of took it more as a compliment, like at least they were acknowledging that there should be guys kicking down my door-- even if there weren't. Also, i will say that a lot of people i know that are in relationships seem to be settling or with people purely b/c they don't want to be alone. I felt that way when i was single too, that at least i was choosing to be alone than choosing to be with someone that wasn't all that great. Thanks for your comment! xoxo

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  4. Time spent in relationships: 8 years, five months
    Time spent single: 5 years, seven months.

    Hmm... my own stats...

    Time spent in relationships: 14 years, seven months
    Time spent single: five and a half months

    I suppose I exhibit a pronounced tendency in this regard.

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    1. we've spent almost exactly the same amount of time single. I wonder if 5 years is generally the average?

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    2. read mine again... only five months single.

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    3. omg! how did i miss that! FIVE MONTHS??? You are going to need to write a post on serial monogamy for us!

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  5. I've been single for so long that I get annoyed when I have a guy staying with me for longer than two days (yes, I am single, but I am not dead nor am I sexless). I REALLY like coming home after a long day of work and not having to talk to anyone but my cat, who is incredibly undemanding as long as she is fed and watered. I take long baths with books in hand and no one bothers me, I watch what I want on TV, I eat what I want without anyone making comments about what it might do to my thighs, I wear unsexy but comfortable pajamas and, well...I REALLY do prefer it that way. There is no way, at this point, that I could have it any other way, as far as living with someone goes. A relationship isn't out of the question, I suppose, but the guy would have to live at least several blocks away and give me an enormous amount of space. I hate when people assume we single folks are all really, really sad inside. Oy. That's simply not true. And parenthood is even more unappealing, but that's a whole other story.

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    1. hey Dori, I will admit that there are times when I miss living alone and having my own space. And I def don't assume that single people are really sad inside :) my ideal for a period of time was doing the long distance thing because it's sort of the best of both worlds. I've just gotten to a place where I need to be grateful and happy where i am in my life and in my relationship. But my husband can def attest to the fact that I am 99% of the time in unsexy comfortable pajamas :) Thanks for your comment and for reading! You should totes send us a retaliation post!

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  6. I would LOVE to write a post on the joys of singledom! Sign me up! :)

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    1. Yay! Just email it to us at theblowoffwtf@gmail.com and we'll post it!

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    2. I will do this within the next week or so!

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