Thursday, October 4, 2012

When (If Ever) Is It OK For A Girl To Make A Move?

I'm not a big fan of the term "feminist".  While I like that it's about giving women equality and power, I feel like some people have taken this ideology over the top and now it conjures images of man hating, non-armpit shaving, rude women who are overbearing.  I DO believe in women (and men for that matter) taking their lives into their own hands and creating the future they want.  But how does this appropriately apply to dating.

Whenever I read an article in Cosmopolitan or watch an episode of The Millionaire Matchmaker, the "experts" always emphasize the importance of gender roles and not changing them.  It's important for the man to chase you.  It's important for the man to be able to feel like the man and the provider.  The reversal of gender roles is blamed on numerous break-ups (most recently Amy Poehler & Will Arnett) when the woman makes more money than the man and he feels emasculated.  This all makes sense to me.  I'm not questioning it.  Every man wants to feel needed and important in the relationship.

But here's where I struggle.  I meet a guy and then I'm just supposed to wait around for him to call/text/Facebook/etc?  If I'm dealing with my career I take the reins.  I send out emails or ask referrals for help.  I take the initiative to pursue every possible opportunity to try to make sure that I end up where I want to be in life.  But is it a turn off to a man to reach out for a date or a relationship?  I'm not saying that women should necessarily ask the man on a date.  But what about a friendly hello text to see how their week is going or to let them know you had fun the last time you saw each other?  And is it wrong to treat your love life the same as you would your career?  I'd rather follow up about a job and hear that I don't have it and move on and I'd rather send a text to a guy and if he does't respond or doesn't try to see me, move on as well.  But is sending that text to a man ruining any potential chance you have at another date or a relationship?  Because the woman is taking the initiative does it then turn the man off?

I go back and forth on this concept hourly, to be honest.  I know the whole theory that if a guy wants to see you he will call.  But I'm just impatient.  Or I've just been thinking about them and want to reach out.  What are your thoughts on a girl reaching out to say hello?  I've done it both ways and I'm still single so I'm not sure if there's an actual answer or if it's specific to the person or situation but I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Want to read more on girls making a move? Check out this post from our archives!


  1. I am all for girls making a move. I always preferred to do a last ditch phone call with a guy I liked, just in case he did forget my phone usually never panned out, but at least i could look back on it and not think "what if I had just called??" I think we're entitled to at least one outreach call, anything more than that might border on desperate.

  2. Hi,
    I stumble upon this blog because of someecards google search. And I have been reading it for a while but I was too shy to comment. So first thing first, I am french so excuse my english. Secondly I live alone in Norway so your blog is a good read for lonely night. So thanks for that.
    But back on the topic of girls making the move I would say that Norway is totally on the opposite side.
    Here girls are doing every single moves. They are offering drink to boys in bars, they are calling back and organizing dates. As equals it is obvious they are also paying for their parts while on dates.
    And as it is a reverse world, Norwegian girls are loving to have a guy who is able to boss them around sometimes, i.e. Frenchlovers.

  3. FrenchCheese! Thank you so much for your comment and for reading our blog all the way in Norway. That is so awesome! I LOVE that women in Norway are the ones making the first move. That must be so liberating! Please keep commenting, we would love to hear more stories of international dating! xoxo

  4. Thanks FrenchCheese ! Sounds like I should move to Norway :)

  5. Thanks for the warm welcome.
    Norwegian girls are doing the first move but they are brave because they are drunk (or maybe it is just me who need it). The fun begin the morning after...
    And on the other interesting news about Norway they are first in the world for the one night stands.