Thursday, November 15, 2012

The "Am I Too Superficial?" BLOW OFF

Facebook strikes again.  I never thought that a stupid social networking site would incite so many existential crises before.  Thanks Mark Zuckerberg.  I'll set the scene.  It was Halloween night and and I was staying in working while everyone else was out partying.  I was almost at the point where I wanted to crush my fun size bag of M&M's and snort them to avoid the caloric intake, so I decided to take a break and waste some time on Facebook.

I saw a status update from a guy I went to high school with but we were not friends.  There were about three hundred kids in my grade so you obviously weren't going to be best friends with everyone, but there were definitely cliques.  Anyway, I never really paid attention to this kid.  I wasn't ever mean to him.  It was worse, I just ignored him.  It was unintentional but looking back, I definitely did it. We might have had two classes together all four years and didn't really hang out in the same social circle.  He wasn't a "nerd" per se, but he was in the orchestra and wasn't at a lot of the parties, so knowing myself I probably just figured there wasn't a need to talk to him or that we wouldn't have anything in common.  And I didn't think like that in a condescending way, but a dismissive way.  Well, in his profile picture, he looked hot!  So I decided to do a little stalking.  I know, me looking into him because now he's really attractive is superficial too.  I see the irony.  Well,  turns out now he's a professional classical musician and the entire incident kind of sent me into a tail spin.

What if we'd ever been friends or dated?  Because I was so caught up in the superficialities of high school I missed out on knowing someone that today seems really interesting (and probably was back then as well).  I had this feeling of self-loathing overcome me.  It's not like I base my dates or boyfriends on the kind of car that they drive or where they live, but I can't help but think that subconsciously I've judged and dismissed a lot of people in my life.  One who could've even been a potential romantic partner.  Whether we admit it to ourselves or not, we are all superficial about some things.  It's not an admirable personality trait, but it's the truth.

I'm probably never going to talk to this guy again in my life.  I wrote him a Facebook message to say hello and say that it was cool that he had followed his music. I haven't heard back and I can't say that I blame him.  I probably wouldn't have written me back either.  I've definitely grown as a person since high school, but I do sometimes get turned off by superficial things.  But now I'm making a conscious effort to stop being so superficial in all areas of my life.  It's a lot harder than it sounds since most of the time we don't even realize we're having superficial thoughts about other people, but I don't want to miss out on an awesome relationship because I'm too narrow minded and self-absorbed.

Have any of you either accidentally or intentionally blown someone off for a superficial reason?  All comments are welcome...even if you were twelve and broke up with someone because they got a pimple.  No judgement here!


  1. I remember there was this one "popular" guy in high school - kind of a rebel - who would date girls that no one had ever heard of before. Then, when he dated them, everyone was like, "whoa, she's hot. How did we not notice them before?" For one reason or another, it was because they were in different social circles, they dressed differently or whatever, but every single one of these girls, if you just looked at their faces, were really pretty.

    I remember not hooking up with a few girls because I didn't think they were "cool" enough. I look at myself now, and I'll hook up with just about anything when I'm drunk! Oh, how things change!

    I'm sure this classical musician was probably pretty decent-looking in high school as well, but the whole clique thing shielded you from ever really noticing. Sadly, I didn't learn my lesson in college either. I was on the verge of asking this girl out to my fraternity formal, and one of my friends made fun of her weight (she was a little bigger boned) and so I didn't ask her. She added me on FB a few years ago and she had lost about 20lbs and was SMOKING hot. Like, she had done some modeling work. Unfortunately she was married. I still kick myself over it.

  2. I can so related to this! A few months after i broke up with my high school boyfriend-- who had really long blonde girl hair-- he cut his hair short and he suddenly looked so much cuter. I convinced him to get back together and he dumped me three months later!