Monday, November 26, 2012

The Girls Guide To Dating In Hollywood Part 4: Assistants

Welcome to Part 4 of The Girls Guide To Dating In Hollywood.  No mater what profession you decide to pursue, you always have to start at the bottom...hopefully you'll be a power bottom.  And in Hollywood, the bottom is being an assistant.  While they might not be driving the Lexus Hybrids or lunching at The Grill On The Alley on the regular, assistants do have power.  They control their boss's schedules and decide which phone calls they take and meetings they schedule without difficulty.  But the best thing about assistants is their potential.  Anybody who's anybody started off in a mailroom somewhere, learning how to "roll" calls.  So here's what you need to know if you're going to date a Hollywood assistant.

Agency Assistants
-Don't window shop at the Louboutin store for your birthday just yet if your BF is an assistant at a Hollywood agency.  They make approx. a mere $500/week (before taxes...yikes!).  But they do know how to make sure you can get liquored up at The Parlor on a Tuesday night.  And remember, they are on their way to the top.  Plus a lot of them are cute and can make you holler for a dollar Honey Boo Boo style.

-As I previously mentioned they are HOT.  They are required to wear a suit to work and most of them are power hungry and more ambitious than Patrick Bateman.

-They don't work 9-5pm. They leave when their boss allows them to go home.  So dinner reservations or happy hour dates can be tricky.

-They like to party.  Work hard, play hard.  After getting yelled at for 100 of the 120 hours for the past week for a typo in an email, they know how to relax.  But because of their hectic work schedule and affinity for cocktails, it can be hard to get one of them to commit or settle down.  When you do, it's rare so don't let them go.

Network/Studio Assistants
-While these jobs are slightly less fast paced than at an agency they are still in a very high pressure job.  One mistake can cost them their career, especially if they have a boss like Miranda Priestly.

-They can spot up-and-coming talent which can translate well to their relationship intuition.

Producer's Assistants
-Producer's assistants are a little more low key.  They can wear jeans to the office and aren't subject to a rapid firing squad daily.  Though they work hard they are generally a little bit less stressed out.

-They have interns to do all of their bitch work.  Copies? Faxes? Picking up lunch?  They get the intern to do it.  They are able to delegate a little bit of their work so they don't feel like runts themselves.

-They do a ton of reading.  They have to read every project their boss thinks of producing plus every project they have in various stages of development.  Even during their down time they are still working, but they know how to relax when it's time to relax.

Writer's Assistants
-Writer's Assistants actually work in the writer's room on a TV show.  Their demeanor can go either way.  They could be really excited to be so close to living their dream or they can be a bit bitter that they are so close, yet so far from what they want.

-They work hard.  They are constantly transcribing everything in the writer's room so in addition to carpel tunnel, they might get a little grumpy with the long hours.  Cut them some slack.

Personal Assistants
-No gossip for US Weekly from them!  They all sign NDA and confidentiality agreements so if you think that you're going to hear about hot a hot mess A list actress had a fling with the married actor/director/father of three at The Chateau Marmont last night, think again.  They can probably entertain you but not with stories that will cost them their job.

-S.W.A.G.  Celebrities are sent tons of swag that they don't want or use and guess who they give it to? That's right, their assistant!  If you have a BF who's boss has some serious street cred, you could be rocking the newest Balenciaga bag with no price tag.

All Assistants
-They are all try to move up in the industry so make sure to look out for those that just want to use you for connections...or your hot body.

-They are treated terribly on a regular basis so sometimes they might not be so warm and fuzzy.  But cut them some slack.  They need love too.

Have any of you ever dated a Hollywood assistant?  Comment below!


1 comment:

  1. An old colleague of mine that's an assistant told me that she's starting to date older guys-- because since her job is to take care of someone else, she wants the opposite out of her relationships.

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