Monday, January 7, 2013

Only Boyfriends, Fiances, Or Husbands...

...Are also invited as plus ones, is how the rest of that sentence reads on my Evite.  First of all, have we not all transitioned to Paperless Post yet?  It is 2013 after all.  Anyway back to my indignant tirade.  THIS IS BULLSHIT.  This was not even the footnote, no, it was in the body of a birthday party Evite I received.  The further explanation written on the Evite?  Our house isn't that big so we want to keep numbers down.  And then it closed the statement with "thanks for understanding."  Are you fucking kidding me?  Yes, I'm throwing the f-bomb twice here.  Are you fucking kidding me?

This has been happening to me a lot recently.  It happened for an out-of-town wedding I already went to and I was told for an upcoming 2013 wedding that I only get a guest if we are "seriously dating," because their guest list is already too big.  Am I the only one extremely offended by this?  I think this is beyond tacky and that Emily Post is hopefully rolling over in her grave.  So, for the 2013 wedding let me get this straight...I've already been told I'm expected to fly to the bachelorette party.  So I'll be paying for a flight and hotel and all of my food/booze/activities that weekend.  And the bride isn't expected to pay so I'll be splitting the cost of all of her expenses with the other girls.  I also happen to work on the weekends so I'll be missing work and spending money.  Then only two months after the bachelorette party is the wedding.  I'm going to be flying and spending money on a hotel again, paying for cabs and possibly a rental car, plus I'm still expected to buy the bride and groom a gift.  So not only am I expected to participate in all of that travel and these various wedding related activities, but I'm supposed to do them alone?

Look, we are not 19 anymore.  I'm not going to meet a guy one night and randomly invite him to the wedding and now you're stuck paying for a filet mignon of a guy I won't even speak to in two weeks.  I understand that you don't want people just filling their plus one's with strangers but I feel like I at least deserve to have the idea of a plus one. The reality is, I probably wouldn't even bring a plus one, but telling me that I can't because I'm single really pisses me off. Maybe I want to bring a friend so I can split costs and have someone that I enjoy hanging out with while all of this hoopla is going on.  And if you can't allow your guests to bring a guest, your wedding and/or party is just too big.  There, I said it.

I have never felt persecuted against as a single woman...until now.  I feel like I'm in a poor man's episode of Sex And The City without being able to register at Manolo Blahnik.  So if I start calling a guy I casually sleep with my boyfriend, I can bring him places?  First off, how would most of you know (since you're so self-involved in wedding or party planning)?  Secondly how about a "hey, good for you for not settling."  Or "Congrats for ending things with that last boyfriend.  You deserve better." I've never been the Norma Rae of single women because I would like to be with someone.  But just because I'm not, I'm now sentenced to attending social functions alone.  Even birthday parties at my friends's houses.  Thanks, but no thanks.  Even while I write this post the whole idea makes me feel sick to my stomach.  Do you think I'm overreacting?  On team 20 LA Wannabe?  Comment below.

PS Guess what my response was to the Evite.


  1. Great post! I think it's CRAZY to enforce the boyfriend/husband/fiance rule for something like a birthday party. I actually always prefer that people bring friends and don't show up solo. It's the buddy system, people! Otherwise, when someone is there by themselves, you always have to worry if they're having an okay time. I have mixed feelings on the wedding front-- just because after planning one, I know how hellish the guest list can be. i think when you go through it, you become more sympathetic to the plight of other brides and grooms that didn't give you a plus one. It usually comes down to your parents not getting to invite close friends and family to accommodate a plus one for a friend and I just didn't feel right about that. And personally, I didn't want a ton of people at the wedding that I didn't know well. That said, we had a much lower turn out than expected and at the last minute I asked a bunch of friends if they'd want to bring a guest. that said, I think the bridal party should all get plus ones no matter what their dating situation is. You're an evil bitch if you make someone be a bridesmaid and then don't let them bring a guest (side note, even though it kind of sucks for the guest when you're off doing bridesmaid stuff) Also, we gave plus ones to people who didn't really know anyone at the wedding aside from us. Again, parties can be scary and it's all about the buddy system.

  2. Allow me, having thumb-wrestled over guest lists for two weddings, to generally subscribe myself to saaara's comments -- I wish I'd been a little less resistant to one friend in particular asking for a plus one. (She got one, but it was poor of me to make her ask twice.)

    The birthday party thing is less usual, but I've found as I've gotten old and creaky that parties are smaller and hosts less interested in meeting new people. Not that there aren't open house parties, but there are some where we simply want to see each other, and new guests are welcome by special request but not expected.

    My first wife and I decided to announce our engagement to a small group of friends at a dinner party. Because we wanted to make it a surprise, there was little we could say when our friend L. asked if she could bring her friend S., whom we'd never met but who was visiting from far away. So our engagement-announcing dinner included eight of our besties, and random S.

    Coda: S. and I remain friends, and she and I both delivered readings at the wedding of L. to my friend J.; they met each other for the first time that night.

  3. OMG! I love that story!! Thanks for sharing. And I do agree with you on getting older/smaller parties/less interest in strangers. i think in those instances, if it's a small group where everyone is close to each other anyway, then they will feel less need to bring a buffer/guest along with them. and i think if everyone there but one guest is in a couple, then you have to let them bring someone. It just makes me think of that scene in bridget jones when she's the only single friend at the dinner party.

  4. I do see where you are both coming from in general but I still stand by my original post regarding these two particular events.

    Re: the birthday party. I think part my problem stems from the wording on the Evite. It was just so condescending. Plus the fact that it was at their house and bringing a friend or a date (especially if that wasn't your only stop of the evening) really wouldn't have been a big deal to them since it wasn't a dinner party where it would've thrown off their head count and wasn't a small intimate gathering where bringing someone along would have disrupted the vibe of the already established group of friends. This couple also happens to be younger than I am but I am still up for meeting new people (both as friends or potential dates). I hate to say it but I feel like knowing them that it was some weird power trip thing and a way to feel like they have an event that will be so full that they can only accommodate people if they have an official title. That's a whole other rant though.

    Re: the wedding, I've never planned one nor will I be planning one in the immediate future. When I'm actually in the throws of the chaos and dealing with a wedding budget perhaps my mind will change, but I hope to offer everyone a guest. I feel like none of my friends would be disrespectful enough to bring someone along just for the open bar. And since (as of now) I want a small wedding they would all be my best friends and I want them to be able to bring someone if they like. I went to a destination wedding in 2012 in Jamaica and the bride told me I was free to bring a guest and tell her pretty much up until the week of the wedding if I'd be bringing anyone. There was no one that I really liked at the time so I didn't bring one. While that might have been a "destination wedding" so it is more logical that I was offered a guest, this upcoming wedding is in Chicago which is a destination wedding for me. I know I'm just reiterating but I think it's rude to expect people to take time off work, not make money (i freelance on the weekends so not only will i be spending but i won't be earning), pay for travel & hotel and a gift but basically tell them that they have to do it alone. I'm expected to be at this particular wedding. While it will be nice to attend it's more of an obligation than a choice. I'm supposed to be there to celebrate them but I'm supposed to do it alone...unless I'm like really in love.

    Obviously the whole situation just still really irks me. I guess I just have to deal with it....or find a boyfriend.