Thursday, April 25, 2013

Friend of Friend With Benefits?

If you've graduated college you're pretty aware of the fact that the whole "friends with benefits" (which I will just refer to as FWB's from now on) never really work out.  As an ex of mine used to say, someone always "catches feelings."  You probably aren't wondering why I'm not with that gem of a guy anymore.  But it's true, the FWB situation usually ends when one person wants more and the other person prefers to stick to their original deal.

But I'm finding myself in a situation where it's a friend of my FWB making things weird.  He's a very close friend of my FWB and is completely aware that we are FWB.   He's seen us leave parties together and even acknowledged that he saw us making out when I told him that I didn't make out in public (as my excuse for not kissing him the first time he tried) and he quickly responded that I do in fact make out in public because he's seen me make out with FWB.  He only does this when FWB isn't around and when it's time for me to leave, he's tried to kiss me.  Weird, right?

He knows that whenever I run into his friend, we hook up.  And he's never tried this in front of the FWB so he obviously knows that it's wrong.  Sadly, I don't even know if FWB would care if I hooked up with him, but I care.  I don't want to be passed around a group.  And it's not like his friend has ever tried to ask me out on a proper date, just hook up with me.  And it makes things super awkward when I deny his advances. I try to make a joke out of it but he knows that I'm basically rejecting him.

So here's my question, or questions rather:
1) Do guys do this?  Like all guys?  Or is this guy just ballsy?
2) Why do they want someone that their friend has been with?  Isn't that sloppy seconds?  Or is this some weird guy conquest type of thing?  One friend of mine told me that guys don't care if their friends have dated or been with you, it won't stop them from hitting on you if you aren't actually together.

The whole thing just makes me feel weird.  Sorry this wasn't so much a post as a vent session/wanting to know know if any of you guys have ever been in this type of situation or have any advice (comment below!).  I have to see this person on a regular basis so I don't want things to be (more) awkward.



  1. My ex once told me if he really liked a girl, he wouldn't want any of his friends fucking with her after the relationship but if something happened, it tells you something about the girl. Homie hopper. However, if it was just a hook-up, casual sex, what have you, he really wouldn't care who the girl hooked up with during/after.

  2. Yeah, I think when it comes to casual sex guys just don't care-- however, if they are currently engaging in a FWB situation I would think they would want their friends to back off. I know of a certain FWB my husband had back in the day, who had also hooked up with his best friend, and then hooked up with another friend at our wedding. That shit would not fly among a group of girlfriends. I think you should either tell your FWB that it's making you uncomfortable or just straight out tell the friend that's making the advances that you think it's weird that he's hitting on you when you've hooked up with his friend. Some boys are just shameless!