Thursday, April 4, 2013

They Tried To Make Me Go To Rehab...

This week we had another celebrity bombshell thrust upon us.  Glee star Cory Monteith checked into treatment for substance abuse.  But as soon as that story was released, there was an accompanying story with a statement from his girlfriend, Lea Michele.  I think they were released at the same time, but that's purely speculation.  For those of you that aren't addicted to Hollywood news and haven't read it, here it is:
"I love and support Cory and will stand by him through this.  I am grateful and proud that he made this decision."

This got me thinking.  Some of you might remember that I had a boyfriend that went to rehab, but that was after we were already broken up.  And those circumstances were whack.  But what about people that are in relationships that have real substance abuse problems.  What is the right thing to do?  As the old song says, should I stay or should I go?

I'm not suggesting abandoning people once they seek treatment. They need support more than anything.  Trying to conquer your addiction is a tough decision for any addict to make and for people like Cory Monteith to voluntarily make it without a court order (ahem Ms. Lohan) is even more admirable.

But should you continue dating them?  I'm going to give you the caveat that I'm not referring to any addict that is married or has children here. Only people that are dating.  It's my understanding that when someone enters treatment or recovery and they are single, they are told that they shouldn't enter any new relationships during the beginning of their sobriety because they need to focus on that and that alone.  Aside from relationships being a distraction, let's be honest, they can bring drama.  And when someone is just learning to cope without their crutch, any possibility of drama is not good.

Also, and I hate to say this, but here may be better for the non-addict partner in the relationship to take a break and some time to analyze themselves.  Because people who are in relationships with addicts have something going on internally too.  Whether they are insecure and don't feel like they deserve someone that's healthy, or they have an obsessive need to try to fix people.  I've dated one or two in my past and when I look back at myself during that time I see a girl that wasn't 100% healthy.

All of that being said it is nice to know that there are people out there that don't cut and run just when the going gets tough.  I'm currently split on this issue.  What do you guys think?  Have any of you ever dated an addict?  What did you do?


PS: I haven't seen any Cory Monteith "Don't Stop Believing" well wishes so I have to send him one here myself.


  1. This is a tough one. Personally my advice would be that if it's early in a relationship and you see the signs of addiction, it's probably not a road you want to travel down. But sometimes it takes awhile to realize someone has a problem and by that point you may already be too emotionally invested to let go. For instance, what might seem like normal 20something drinking suddenly becomes problem drinking once you're both in your 30s and one of you is still drinking like they're in their 20s. At that point, you may have to ask yourself: is this something I can deal with for the rest of my life? But if Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban were able to survive it, then maybe there's hope for the rest of us.

  2. I went to rehab for 4 months at age 19. My boyfriend was 20 and we'd been together for 2 years and lived together when I went. He supported me going because he loved me and wanted to be with me when I was healthier. A year after I got out of rehab, I broke up with him because I didn't love him anymore. I do not have any addiction problems now and haven't been back to rehab again. It's now a decade later and I still know him (we do have a kid, but I didn't get pregnant until after I was out of rehab). In retrospect, I see that he is a super loyal, supportive man and not everyone is like that (including me). Since then, I've always had a lot of respect for people who stick out a relationship to see if their partner can become a healthier person. But for me, I'm up out of there! I don't have any patience for addicts anymore.

    1. Thanks so much for sharing your perspective. And glad to hear that you are healthy!