Thursday, April 11, 2013

Things You Should Never Text Someone After Being Blown Off: The Craziest Girl I've Ever Dated

Update: Here's a response from SVB regarding the variety of comments this post has received since it was published. 

Hello Blow Offers, is that grammatically correct? I would normally post stuff to my own blog, but being as I just blew off a girl who I think is psycho - and she reads my blog - I worry about being murdered as I walk back to my car with my armful of $0.99 mini-vodka bottles from the liquor store. I'm semi-serious. I feel like she's capable of Lorena Bobbitt-type mayhem.

I have dated many, many, many gals in my lifetime. Like, you would be grossed out if you found out how many women I've hooked up with. Don't worry, I am no stud, but I'll go home with just about anything that looks better than my right hand. So, for me to say that this is the CRAZIEST girl I've ever gone out with, is really saying something.

Recently, I just got out of a 1.5 year relationship, that I also ended, that has me wracked with guilt on a consistent basis - the expectations of marriage, the disappointment, and hurt I caused amongst other things. I'll save that post for another time. So, in vetting rebound-worthy females, I have been less than selective. I guess I deserve to be looking over my shoulder.

Let's just say I decided to blow this girl off after she started asking me whether certain Facebook status messages were about her. And whether I considered myself single. And if I didn't respond to her texts asking those questions, she would call me immediately within 2 minutes to ask the same question. Finally, the last straw was when she would comment on my status messages proclaiming me as "taken". I used to think people who told these stories of crazy gals were exaggerating and making things up, but here are the exact texts directly following me telling her never to reach out to me again. Let me also put out there that I only dated her for two weeks... and that I never once responded to any of these texts.

(For the record,  I never called her slut. But apparently other people do.  Good to know.)

I thought that was that. Train wreck over, right? WRONG! Then, two days later. A new tactic.


I took this to mean anal sex, which had me reevaluating the situation. Just kidding! Hahahhaa, but not really.  Wouldn't you be afraid for your life? This is the type of woman who I imagine would go all Carrie Underwood on my car. The type of woman that Glenn Close drew inspiration from for her role in Fatal Attraction. The type of woman who would take a sledgehammer to my legs to keep me writing a book just for her.

You know that saying, "you can't make this stuff up"? I don't believe that's true, because look at anything that Philip K. Dick has written. That sh*t is crazy and ALL made up. Plus, I think Sara could probably make this stuff up too, she's a pretty good writer. Anyhow, me, on the other hand, I can't make this stuff up. It would be too tedious. Well, pray for me. In the meantime, if you're ever blown off, never send anyone anything REMOTELY close to what Sonia has texted me. It's just... crazy.

Sincerely,
Kevin L.
The Silicon Valley Bachelor

46 comments:

  1. Holy train wreck batman! Can't. Turn. Away. now matter how painful it was to keep reading. Sonja deserves some kind of award for attaining batshit-level heights of crazy, but I think the first order of business might be getting her checked into a therapist's office, stat!

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  2. THIS IS NUTS! I just don't understand how a human being could think this is at all okay. She obviously needs help. You did the right thing by not responding, but keep these texts in case you ever need to get a restraining order from this chick!

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  3. Wow...I deeply appreciate how sane reading this makes me feel! I've asked myself "is this crazy?" a number of times when dealing with relationships, but I've never come anywhere near behaving like this! Thanks, Kevin. Hope your tires haven't been slashed.

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  4. Don't get a restraining order, it'll just make her crazier. Thanks for posting this. I am now comfortable with my level of paranoia. Jeez!

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  5. I think she really hit on something with the whole "maybe I need pills and therapy" thing because... yes, yes she does.

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  6. Have you ever wondered what Borderline Personality Disorder is? Well, meet Sonja!

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  7. I could write another post on the texts from the last several days. Here's a sample from April 10, that came consecutively:

    12:30pm: "You suck and I don't hesitate to irritate you."
    6:14pm: "And for the record, you remain my favorite person..."
    6:55pm: "Wanna go hiking"

    I like how casual she was with that last text, as if I would just accidentally respond to such a good idea.

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  8. Yes, this is some really crazy s**t. But might I suggest here that, as we are all laughing and shaking our heads at this 'Fatal Attraction'-like communication, it is more than possible that this woman is suffering from a serious mental illness? Perhaps she is in the midst of a severe manic episode. I have seen mania (actually in someone who ended up committing suicide) and this seems like it could be an episode. I'm not saying anyone should put up with this kind of insane texting, and I'm also not saying that The SVB should have anything to do with her again. But maybe, just MAYBE, this woman deserves a tiny amount of compassion rather than having her multiple texts splashed across the Internet so everyone can laugh at them and feel superior to her. And since SVB has only known this woman for a couple of weeks, he knows nothing of her background or situation. I promise you, I have as irreverent a sense of humor as anyone. But there is possibly something a bit sad going on here, and sometimes I think people too easily dismiss and scorn those who are mentally unbalanced and perhaps just need an adjustment of their meds. I don't know. Am I being a stick in the mud here to even bring this up? It just struck me that this might be a tiny bit cruel.

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    1. Hi Morgan, I do agree with you. I have way more compassion for her and the situation than I let on in this post. In fact, I have way more compassion for her than disdain. Unfortunately, that doesn't always make for good reading.

      On top of worrying that she might do something drastic to me, I also was concerned that she might do something to herself. Which, yes, includes suicide. Ultimately, I don't think she has the capacity for it. I wish I could offer a suggestion of actually seeing a therapist without opening myself up to relentless texts again, which are still ongoing.

      If you have any suggestions, please message me. I'd be happy to hear them.

      Thanks,
      SVB

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    2. Suggestions? How about: don't publish her text messages??

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    3. "I have way more compassion for her than disdain. Unfortunately, that doesn't always make for good reading."

      You're a pathetic ASSHOLE.

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    4. she obviously has MAJOR issues. aka. a mental disorder. stop being a dick and don't post her msgs on the net for entertainment. why don't you post pics of a mentally disabled child trying to use a calculator or a blind person walking into a wall...dipshit.

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  9. SVB, I do hear you about not wanting to open up that communication line again. If you knew a friend or family member of hers, I would contact them and try to find out what is up with this girl and if she has a history. As you only knew her for two weeks, I guess that is not likely, though?

    Again, I truly get the humor and I am one of those people who thinks the best humor comes from the darkest places. Nothing is off limits. But since this is also a real person doing something right now, I felt it was worth pointing out that her texts point to some kind of clear chemical imbalance going on here. And she types things such as "I am really really really tired" and "I can't seem to make it." She even mentions therapy and pills. Those are breakdown words, surely.

    I also would say that, if a tiny part of you feels flattered, I would abandon that. I don't think these texts have anything to do with you in particular, you know? I think you are just one vessel upon which she is spewing her stuff. In other words, I think you are beside the point here.

    Of course, she could also be punking you. But...I doubt it.

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    1. Hi Morgan, Just wanted to reiterate what Kevin said and thank you for your comment, for shedding light on the issue and putting things in perspective. You were not being a stick in the mud at all. As the person that encouraged Kevin to post this, much of this site and break ups in general means trying to laugh at things that sometimes aren't funny at all. That said, I'm glad you called us out on this. Please keep reading and commenting!

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    2. I think Morgan is the writer of this blog because shE replies to every comment like she is stalking the comments or has alerts for every one posted. Why is she always trying to talk for the writer or steal his thunder,or take credit for everything he writes? Like she didn't go out with this girl,she don't know what he's thinking,he doesn't think like her hes a man! Ugh lol! Oooorrrr she is Sonia(rararararara jason knife attack score ie;Garth stabbing Mr.Doughnut head man)trolling and stalking very strange indeed. her prompt pseudo psychiatric attempts in the Comment rants are like she is living vicariously through his semi successful blog because no one reads hers, to practice psychology through critiquing every one. So weird she's just like the crazy psycho that got blown off.

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  10. So, I agree this is totally erratic, scary stuff, and the girl might just need help. But, on a lighter note, I do think time to time guys actually make very normal, well-adjusted women go a little crazy! The poofing, the "I'm so into you and can't believe how lucky I am to have met you" date, but then NEVER CALLING AGAIN, It hurts us in ways that we can't rationalize. There's no commonality when it happens more than once, and we are supposed to just accept that for some reason, you lost interest between Saturday and Tuesday. Or maybe the whole date was a great ego stroke for you so you played it up, but she really wasn't what you were looking for. I am not saying you owe us much after one date, or even a couple. We don't really know if you are going to call us if you say so after a first date. Actions speak louder than words. But if you want to prevent crazy, don't send mixed signals in a text, say things you don't mean, or plan things you don't want! We start evaluating your potential about 5 minutes after meeting you. We've decided if we ever would sleep with you in 30 seconds. We've determined if you'll get a second date within 15 minutes. Seriously. I've read some of the "please tell me what I did." "Did you change your mind?" "I miss you!" texts I sent, and I totally regret them, am even ashamed of them, but in the moment just wanted some reason for the dude's apparent 180. Even texting "hope you are having a good day," after a couple days of no word from a dude, is a crazy moment we hope that maybe you might answer and reconsider another date. DON'T ANSWER, unless you really want to date the girl! We won't crumble, I promise.

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    1. I love what you wrote here. Too many guys are inconsiderate in this manner.

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  11. One person comes to mind: JODI ARIAS!!!!!

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  12. Though on the face of iy she seems completely whacked...to hear some of his bragging comments about how many women he's dated and apparently been with. His tone is somewhat flattered. I think though he knows she's unstable he likes the attention. Why else would he post it? to help others. Not buying it. At least her "crazy" is right out there. His is the more subtle "look at me, Look at me" Pretty crazy too if you ask me. But then again perspective is everything isn't it?

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    1. Thank you SO SO Much for writing this!! I was thinking the same thing. Some how, he is getting an ego boost from this lady. Deep down inside, he is probably jealous of the fact that she is so freely connected to her own heart and how she feels. There is strength in vulnerability. Seems like they are shadow reflections of each other. She maybe needs a little less heart, which is what he is obviously showing and he need more heart. She is NOT crazy. She is a woman who is hurt and processing her thoughts out loud. If he really cared about her the way he says, he would be compassionate about her and the situation he helped to place her in and speak kindly, openly, and compassionately with her and maybe help her find closure. Maybe she has unanswered questions and maybe he knows it. Maybe his little fragile ego needs this vulnerable woman's boost to help it stay inflated. I think he may need to learn from her and find his own heart. He seems very disconnected from it from what I gather. I think it is horrible that the women's heart (though clearly not as balanced as she may be in other areas f her life) is being plastered all over the place and she is not even here to defend herself. And he is using the whole NC topic as a way t gain a larger audience so he can gloat and brag. What a douche bag way to act.

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    2. Thank you so much for your comment. I have to say, I disagree with you when you say that he's "probably jealous of the fact that she is so freely connected to her own heart and how she feels." I don't think we should give women or men a free pass purely because they've had their heart broken. It's terrible and it's happened to all of us, but there's appropriate and inappropriate behavior in the aftermath. Harassment-- even if it's coming from someone who may be dealing with mental illness-- is not right. There is a huge difference between wanting closure and demanding it. That said, while we kept her identity anonymous, it may have not been appropriate behavior for us to post this-- but I've stated before that the reason I've chosen not to remove the post is I think it led to a thoughtful and important debate.

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    3. Thank you for your comments. I will admit that I am doing some serious introspection in considering all of your points. In all fairness, your assumptions of me I cannot completely dismiss. You make some valid points, and writing as a relatively "anonymous" person on someone else's site does give me a certain level of candor that I might not have on my own site.

      To judge who I am as a person is probably as insensitive for us to judge who Sonia is by her texts. She is definitely in need of help and in some subsequent texts, she seems to have received just that and claims to be in a good place now. I hope so. I do wish her the best. Her story was not meant to inflate my ego, as I take no comfort in someone else's grief. You two "anonymous" commenters are good people in being so sympathetic. I'll address some of your assertions in an updated post. (And, no, I'm not trying to build up my "audience," as I rarely ever write these days.)

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  13. I came across this site last night and read about a dozen or so posts before I came to this one. I don't really understand why the author and/or staff finds this post appropriate. Granted it's been many years since I graduated college and I was not a psych major, but clearly (as Morgan suggested in an earlier comment), this is a case of someone suffering from a mental disorder/illness. If I was in the same situation as the author, yes, I would be a bit concerned for my safety. I think at that point the appropriate thing to do would be to contact authorities and perhaps they would do a welfare check on her. That's just my own opinion and wish I had more to suggest. I don't see any humor in this article and I found it rather selfish.

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    1. Hey Anonymous, thank you for your comment. I'm the founder/editor of the blog and I will admit, I don't think I really understood the gravity of the situation when I published this post. Maybe it's because I know the writer and was looking at the situation from his point of view. I've also been in a similar situation where I felt genuinely unsafe/threatened by someone who was displaying signs of a nervous breakdown and at the time my concern for my own welfare outweighed my concern for them. That's not to say we shouldn't have empathy for people that are dealing with mental illness-- that's to say that I think when you're being harassed, it's valid to feel scared, frustrated, or to even laugh it off as a way to cope. But I don't think I made sure that came across in the post. I thought about taking it down, but I actually think the dialogue in the comments section is really important and reason enough to keep it on the blog. Thanks for reading our blog and I hope you don't give up on us based on one post. And don't give up on SVB either-- here's a totally different wonderful post by him: http://www.theblowoff.com/2013/06/how-it-really-feels-to-blow-off-someone.html#.U8Su16i-_mo

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  14. Bravo and kudos to everyone here who participated in this very emotional and pertinent discussion! I never respond to these things but this time I felt happy to see the discussion ebb and flow in a respectful and intelligent way instead of the normal disintegration into crappy comments the moment someone disagrees. A lot of the credit goes to Sara for your diplomatic approach in keeping the balance by absorbing part of the responsibility. I for one, appreciate this post in its entirety even as a lesson in how to gracefully discuss a delicate topic; and as a result, I hope words like "psycho" and "crazy" cease to be used in referring to a woman in trouble, the way we have vilified the use of the "N" word and gay slurs.

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    1. This comment might mean more to me than any other comment on this site. Thank you so much, Anonymous! I really appreciate it!

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  15. It is obvious that you should not be mocking this person and putting this out for everyone to laugh at, comment etc. It's sad, she is really depressed and yes, it is right that you set boundaries and ended it, but I don't think a true man would ever mock a woman publicly like this, no matter how unraveled she becomes. But I do I think it is helpful in seeing very clearly Silicon Valley guy's sharply defined narcisissm.

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    1. Your points are well taken. Sonia does not know about this site, nor do most people know that I occasionally write for it, or else I would never have posted anything regarding this situation. Also, if you take a moment, please read the "about" section of The Blow Off. I can't speak for the editor, but if this site were relegated to just politically correct posts and non-sensational stories, I'd imagine you would never have found it. But I am appreciative for the dialogue and I believe we can all be better people and that I'll think twice next time before using a term like, "crazy" to describe someone.

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  16. I think the guy was being cruel and still is for showing her text...she obviously loved him and wrote in the heat of the moment and was writing when she was desperate...ok looks crazy but who doesn't do crazy things sometimes...show some compassion

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  17. Agree to you Mr/Ms Anonymous ... Girl actually loved the guy and what she wrote was that she was going through that pain of being ignored and thats really insensitive of guy that he displayed all her texts here and in return for her love he did NOT replied her ...... !!!!

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  18. Even though cell phones & texting weren't around when my ex-husband wanted a divorce, that kind of stuff went through my head...and some of it I even verbalized to him. But I was extremely hurt after being with him for 10 years and 2 children. So, I can empathize with this person, but it being a 2 week relationship, if you can call it that, unfortunately reveals that she has some major self-esteem issues and/or a mental disorder. This may sound old fashioned and all, but that's the problem with jumping into sex too soon. For many women, they get attached due to the hormones associated with it. So, maybe next time, a date with your hand is a better alternative than having the wrong women fall for you.

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  19. In my opinion the one who is crazy is Kevin and all who support him, not Sonia. You are all a bunch of insensitive idiots.
    The girl, who seams to be young, just expressed her feelings, she didn't kill anyone and didn't do anything wrong. In my opinion it is completely normal to feel down and hurt after you've been dumped.

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  20. U are also sick that U made that girl to behave like that.

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  21. The blow off is the quickest way to make someone feel crazy. Why did you not just tell her it was over?

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  22. Kevin, this very cruel, insensitive and inappropriate. These were personal communications that were sent to you. You should not put these texts on the internet and refer to this lady in such an appallingly derogatory manner. Just like everyone else on this planet, this lady deserves respect. To mock and poke fun at someone is the same as bullying. It is irrelevant if this lady is unaware of this blog or its content. You are perpetrating bullying and all that it represents.

    I live in a different part of the world to you and just happened to open this page when I was surfing the internet. I sincerely hope that you are one of the very few remaining dinosaurs in your neck of the woods who is still using the terms "crazy" and "psycho".

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    1. Your response has been internalized.

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  23. Whether she's crazy or not I think it's really shitty of you to make fun of her publicly. You are a narcissist who wants every one to see how much she liked you. Eew, I don't even know why. You should be laughing at the fact that she thought you were that interesting. Not.

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  24. You may think I don't care, but each one of your comments bothers me as well. I guess because I'm such a narcissist. So if it makes everyone who calls me names feel better, your comments hurt.

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  25. I dated the male version of Sonia. When I told him I needed space, he complete Lost His Mind. Hundreds of texts, at all hours of the day, first saying how sad he was, then telling me how awful I was, then getting angry and would call me repeatedly in the wee hours of the morning sounding drunk/high/awful. Even when I would tell him not to contact me again, he'd start up to the point it was freaking me out. He unfriended me on Facebook only to re-friend me and I never accepted his new friend request. One day I was at work and he texted me non-stop for 4 hours (despite me saying to stop) and later told me that it was because he was so drunk at work that he got sent home, later passing out in his car and did not remember how he got home. He would leave me voice messages saying he was sorry to bother me and he just wanted to talk to me, then call me right back 2 and 3 more times leaving the same exact message. It was bizarre.

    This guy went from so sweet to me to just off his rocker, it totally turned me off. Had he respected the fact I needed space from the get-go I would have probably gone out with him again. But he didn't. He did the worst thing you can do - became a stage-5 clinger.

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    1. Yikes! How did this story end?!? Or did it?

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  26. I think it is totally unkind and arrogant of you to make fun of this woman.
    It is her who is the winner, being free of a jerk like you.

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  27. I think these words sound like the outpourings of a woman who had been horrifically mistreated by a malignant narcissist.
    The fact that you posted her pain publicly proves that you are one.

    Sonja: you are the winner here. His blow-off was your ticket to freedom, honey x

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    1. I am thinking all facts are not present here. I ended up acting almost the same way as this woman, and I'm usually a calm, well-adjusted person.
      I was going through a divorce when a guy I work with suddenly started pouring on the charm. For an entire year he IM'd and emailed me, telling me how I was beautiful and the nicest, most fun woman he'd ever met. You get the picture. We never went out or met outside of work. But he literally would spend 4 to 5 hours a day IM'ing me or talking to me, telling me he lived to make me smile and how much he liked me. He lived out of town, and went home every weekend, and just worked in my city. So he was unavailable on weekends.
      My BFF work girlfriend, who is practically my twin, was leaving on a three week trip. The day she left, Mr. Charm completely stopped speaking to me. We went from talking 4-5 hours a day (and nights and weekends via email) to nothing. I asked him once, is there something wrong? Are you upset with me? He said no, he had no idea what I was talking about. Looking back, I know I got played for his entertainment and that he was hoping I’d fall apart when he cut me off at the knees and my BFF was gone for 3 weeks so I would have no one to talk to about it.
      I had totally adored him. A year of a handsome, funny man telling me how wonderful he thought I was, and spending his day trying to make me smile; Him shutting me out broke my heart and almost broke me.
      I was beyond hurt. But I didn't bother him. He went 5 weeks without speaking to me. Then he came back on like before. I was so relieved to have him talking to me again. After a week, he completely cut me out again and started flirting with another woman at work, making sure I would see and hear them.
      I tried at first to be intelligent and mature. I tried once again to ask what was going on. To which he replied I was crazy. There was nothing going on. I let him have it about flirting with that other woman and playing with me. I told him I really liked him and that he had really hurt me. Did he apologize? Or deny it? No.
      He blasted me back telling me I was insane. THAT’S when he told me he had a girlfriend in another town and that he wasn’t sure where I got the impression he was interested in me. But he said he didn’t dislike me for being a crazy woman he was just trying to keep things as normal as possible at work. It was so ludicrous; I had no idea what he was talking about.
      I told him I knew he’d played me and that he seemed to get off on hurting me and that I wanted him to leave me alone.
      He laughed at me and told me I was “too nice” and that made me an easy mark. He literally said that.
      I will admit, some of our email and text exchanges look a bit like the ones she was sending in the article. I’m back in my right mind now and I leave him alone. No more IM’s, texts, or emails. But this guy really did a number on me when I was at a very vulnerable place in life. And he did it on purpose because it gave his ego a boost and he found it entertaining. He liked playing that game with me. When I finally shut it down, and refused to react to him, THAT’S when I became “the crazy woman”.
      After not having spoken to him for months, he sneezed and I automatically said “bless you”.
      His reaction? I’m a “crazy b-“ and he’s going to tell everyone that I’m stalking him.
      He’s pushing me to react to him in a way that he can say, look, she’s crazy. Rather than be accountable for what he did, which was purposely hurt someone who was down, just because they COULD.
      There were a couple of emails I sent him that were borderline crazy. Because I was angry, hurt, and felt completely disrespected.
      Early on, he asked me if I was one of those crazy women who would stalk him and destroy his car if he did something bad to me. Because that happened to him before several times. At the time I was like, huh? Now I can SEE why this has happened to him several times before if this is how he treats women.

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  28. That's petty. Atleast have the mutual respect to coax her to a safe landing. I'm by no means a saint and I'll admit I've said some nasty things to women but I've been tee-totally dumped for it. And it was over obsessive things like these. When something is fleeting or you need help to get back up and you don't have many stable people to talk. (Stable as in trustworthy.) You are the only one that you consult about these things and in this state all you do is amplify those resounding thoughts of discouragement and worse case scenario. Have a little fucking respect would ya?

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  29. I totally get Sonia because I too was this crazy.. I infact went to therapy n ate pills but none of them made any difference until one guy who made me realize myself.
    He probably realized that I was not mentally sane very early. I used to spam his phone with long crazy msgs.. And he used to reply with one liners.
    If I draw self-pity, he used to reply "it's okay" or "happens" or "don't worry". If I narrate funny stories, he replies "lol". If I say I don't like the way he is treating me, he replies "ok". If I say he should text/call/meet me/ make time for me, he replies "ok" (he didn't. But just replies "ok").
    Initially I was encouraged to keep texting. It was exhausting. Later I started getting annoyed. That is when I realized that I used to crazy spam the guys phone to get away from them. When I knew he was not "the one", I wanted to drive him away. Dare he tries to ever come back into my life kinds.
    But this guy did not back out. It was confusing initially and it took me through a whole self-realization journey. Yes I did stop messaging him at some point.
    It's been two years now, I have not done that to anyone after that :)

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