Hello Blow Offers, is that grammatically correct? I would normally post stuff to my own blog, but being as I just blew off a girl who I think is psycho - and she reads my blog - I worry about being murdered as I walk back to my car with my armful of $0.99 mini-vodka bottles from the liquor store. I'm semi-serious. I feel like she's capable of Lorena Bobbitt-type mayhem.
I have dated many, many, many gals in my lifetime. Like, you would be grossed out if you found out how many women I've hooked up with. Don't worry, I am no stud, but I'll go home with just about anything that looks better than my right hand. So, for me to say that this is the CRAZIEST girl I've ever gone out with, is really saying something.
Recently, I just got out of a 1.5 year relationship, that I also ended, that has me wracked with guilt on a consistent basis - the expectations of marriage, the disappointment, and hurt I caused amongst other things. I'll save that post for another time. So, in vetting rebound-worthy females, I have been less than selective. I guess I deserve to be looking over my shoulder.
Let's just say I decided to blow this girl off after she started asking me whether certain Facebook status messages were about her. And whether I considered myself single. And if I didn't respond to her texts asking those questions, she would call me immediately within 2 minutes to ask the same question. Finally, the last straw was when she would comment on my status messages proclaiming me as "taken". I used to think people who told these stories of crazy gals were exaggerating and making things up, but here are the exact texts directly following me telling her never to reach out to me again. Let me also put out there that I only dated her for two weeks... and that I never once responded to any of these texts.
|(For the record, I never called her slut. But apparently other people do. Good to know.)|
I thought that was that. Train wreck over, right? WRONG! Then, two days later. A new tactic.
I took this to mean anal sex, which had me reevaluating the situation. Just kidding! Hahahhaa, but not really. Wouldn't you be afraid for your life? This is the type of woman who I imagine would go all Carrie Underwood on my car. The type of woman that Glenn Close drew inspiration from for her role in Fatal Attraction. The type of woman who would take a sledgehammer to my legs to keep me writing a book just for her.
You know that saying, "you can't make this stuff up"? I don't believe that's true, because look at anything that Philip K. Dick has written. That sh*t is crazy and ALL made up. Plus, I think Sara could probably make this stuff up too, she's a pretty good writer. Anyhow, me, on the other hand, I can't make this stuff up. It would be too tedious. Well, pray for me. In the meantime, if you're ever blown off, never send anyone anything REMOTELY close to what Sonia has texted me. It's just... crazy.
The Silicon Valley Bachelor